This is Why We Fall

"For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again..." - Proverbs 24:16 AMP

I remember many years ago stumbling on the back steps of my parents' house. I was about five years old and not very well coordinated at the time. Too much speed and not enough control.

I sprawled forward and slammed my forehead into the corner of a brick wall near the door. I split my head open, and blood ran all over the place. I was dazed, scared, confused, in lots of pain.

Next thing I knew I was in the emergency room of a local hospital with staff around me poking and prodding the wound, seeking a way to close it. I remember feeling stitches, smelling alcohol, disinfectant, latex covered hands, seeing glaring lights in the room. It was traumatic to say the least. I still have a faint trace of the original scar in my forehead to remind me of that day.

Fast forward many years to a recent incident. I was carrying a couple of bags and about to climb the back steps when I stumbled and lurched forward. (I should be less clumsy, right...? NOT!)

But this time instead of panicking I relaxed, released the bag I was carrying and put my hands out in front of me. Everything seemed to slow down as I fell forward but I was in total control. No panic at all. My body went limp except for my arms which I used to cushion the fall. I fell softly on my hands and did a slight push-up which kept me from hitting the hard pavement and getting a serious injury.

Why was this time so different? What changed? Why didn't I panic, freeze up and get severely hurt like the first time?

Because I learned how to fall, how to reach the ground without doing serious damage.

Years ago I saw a training (Boy Scouts, I believe) demonstrating how to fall without getting seriously hurt. You place your hands in front of your body before your body hits the ground, or the floor. 

This taught me how to relax before impact so I could cushion myself from injury. If you can calm your body as you fall things seem to slow down. This provides sense of control you can't get if you're in a panic. 

I tried it several times, especially when I played sports (baseball and softball gave me a great opportunity to try it out when I attempted head first slides), and it worked like a charm.

I learned something else that was just as important: it is possible to get back up on your feet after falling down. Falling down is not the end of the world. All is not lost. As the old saying goes you can "...pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again..."

Think of it: how many of us would have never learned to walk as toddlers if we gave up after the first few tries? How would it look to see a bunch of so-called able bodied grown ups crawling around on all fours? Or even just rolling over because they didn't take the time to master the skills of gaining one's balance through lifting the head, crawling, toddling, walking, then eventually running? Unsettling, I would think. Maybe even a bit weird. 

It would be equally strange to see people wallowing in self pity, sitting on their "blessed assurances" after one or two falls because they saw no point in trying again. It seemed so easy to just give up. To quit.

Granted that's what many people do mentally, even emotionally in the face of setbacks at times but imagine if their physical response matched precisely.  It might be awkward indeed.

What am I saying here? Simply this: to fall down, even to fail, is not the end of the world. It's normal, like breathing. Learning how to fall is like learning how to fail: it is a skill that can be mastered over time if consistently applied and improved as corrections are made. 

It is not the end of the world to fall. It is not even the end of the world to fail. Championship teams in sports, in business, even in life are a great example. If you see only their moments of triumph you miss the big picture. They suffer defeat just like unsuccessful teams do. They had times of trial, of adversity, times when things didn't work out and they could have easily thrown in the towel, given up.... 

But they didn't.  They persisted. They persevered. They used their failures as lessons, as tuition payments that propelled them forward to their moments in the sun. As a result they did a better job of handling defeat than the so-called "losing" teams did.

You can do the same thing. So can I. So can we all. Everyone has moments where they fall short. Rather than write them off as total disasters let's use them instead as lessons to make corrections, adjust our approach so we can get closer to where we want to go, do what we want to do, become who we were truly meant to be. Not to sound trite but maybe that's why erasers are still put on pencils. 

(Full disclosure: I've lost count of how many times I've used delete and spell check just writing this piece, so I know what I'm saying. I trust you do, too)

Falling is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It shows that there is something you need to learn in order to stand tall. Be willing to persist until you learn what that something is. Stay in the game, fight the good fight. I've heard it said that the definition of a good fight is a fight you stay in until you win. 

Resist giving up. Persist until you can move forward. As you do you'll be able to say with confidence and conviction:

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until next time, remember...

Keep it simple...  See ya!

Prove It To Yourself First

CONVINCE: 

- to cause (someone) to believe that something is true
- to cause (someone) to agree to do something

PROVE:
- to learn or find out by experience
- to test the truth, validity, or genuineness of
- to test the worth or quality of, specifically: to compare against a standard

CONFIDENCE: 
- a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something
- a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstance
- faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way
- the quality or state of being certain

Many times it has been said that people who are determined to succeed have an urge to prove their critics wrong. I agree. The desire to rub success in the faces of doubters and naysayers can be a powerful incentive.

I submit to you that this is only part of the story. If you stop there, the glass stays half full. It is not enough to prove people wrong. There must be more. Here's why:

To seek your life's purpose solely in response to criticism is to live as described by Lao Tzu: "Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner."

Don't let life revolve only around what others think of you, good or bad. Les Brown says it best: "What others think of you is none of your business."  As you travel the road to achieving self-mastery, don't let your life get shrink-wrapped in a cocoon, held together by the opinions of supporters and detractors.

Your success is not about others, it's about you. It's a personal journey which helps you develop your unique talents, abilities, skills, and ultimately your greatness. On your terms.

Gaining confidence in your life isn't about convincing others to believe in you and your potential. It has to do with taking the time to prove to yourself what you are capable of doing. What others say about you is not as important as what you say about yourself.

People live below their potential not because the people in their midst have no faith in them, but because they have little to no faith in their own capabilities.

"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low and reaching our mark." - Michelangelo

"The life you live is the result of the story you believe about yourself." - Les Brown

"Whatever you say after the words I AM will come looking for you." - Joel Osteen

Before you can prove to anyone else what you can do, you must prove it to yourself first. It doesn't matter how many people believe in you or what you can do, if you don't believe it first nothing of any significance will be accomplished.

Don't sweat over trying to convince others about how valuable or talented you are, or your product, your skills, even your service. That's not the starting block.

The person who must first be convinced is YOU. Whatever needs to happen in your life begins with you first. Michael Jackson was right; you have to start with the "man (or woman) in the mirror.."

Confidence, like success, works from the inside out, not the other way around. You may not be yet be an expert at the things you like to do, but neither were the experts when they started. 

As the saying goes, "every master was once a disaster." As you consistently apply yourself, making adjustments along the way your confidence level can't help but grow:

"You don't have to be great to get started but you have to get started to be great." - Zig Ziglar

"Sometimes you have to believe in somebody's belief in you until your own belief kicks in." - Les Brown

Think of the jar of water that is used to prime a pump. To draw the water from the well you must empty the jar of water into the pump. Then you keep working that pump until the well's water gushes out.

In like manner you must keep priming your pump with that jar of borrowed confidence until your own confidence bubbles up.

Ultimately that's what you want. To prove to yourself what you can do. To build your own confidence from the inside out. To convince yourself that you can do all that your heart desires to achieve. 

Nothing is more convincing to others than the knowledge that you are convinced within yourself about what you can do.  There's an old saying that's as wise as it is true: "Set yourself on fire and everyone will come watch you burn."

It's time to get fired up about yourself and your potential. Learn to emerge from the shadow of your fears and step into the light of your greatness.

Once you do so, not only will your light shine for all to see but at any given time you will do what Johnny Storm of Fantastic Four fame always says when it's time for action...

FLAME ON...!!!

That's all for now, gotta run.

Until next time, remember...

Keep it simple...   See ya!

Lend Them Your Ears, Part 2

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears..." - Mark Antony, from 'Julius Caesar' by William Shakespeare, Act 3, Scene 2

"If you don't go to other people's funerals they won't go to yours." - Yogi Berra (1925-2015)

Hi again!

Last time I mentioned how I listened to two of my sisters sharing their concerns about certain issues, and was able to help to address their problems by keeping my eyes open for information that could help them.

I also gave you a hint at the end of my last post as to why I was able to give them the help they needed.  You know, the whole "two eyes, two ears, one mouth" thing, right..?

Well long story short, here's why I was successful in helping my sisters. And no, it had nothing to do with being "family." There are people in this world who are loathe to do anything for their family members, much less with them. 

(Fortunately I'm not one of those people, in case you're wondering, but I digress)

Here it is, in a nutshell as some would say:

To be successful with people you learn more from observation than with conversation.  People talk with people who are more willing to listen than talk.  

If you can develop your listening skills you will find that people open up to you with their thoughts, feelings, and concerns a lot more often. Why?  Because they feel they can trust you.

Zig Ziglar said it best: "People don't care what you know until they know that you care." Les Brown adds, "People build relationships with people they know, like and trust, and have proven themselves."  Words to live by, for sure.

Once you have listened to them with care and concern they are willing to hear what you have to share with them because you honored them with your complete, undivided attention.

A great resource that sheds light on this topic is, "Don't Be That Guy in Network Marketing," by Adam and Michelle Carey. 

Network marketing may not be your cup of tea, but Adam and Michelle do a phenomenal job explaining the importance of active listening that anyone can apply to make better connections. 

Read Chapter 3, the "Lacking Listener," that one chapter is worth the price of the book, in my humble opinion. 

It explains the listening issue in detail and shares simple strategies you can use to connect with people and show them how important they are to you. Go to Amazon.com and check it out, you'll be glad you did.

Long story short, people want to be heard.  They want to be noticed, to know they are taken seriously. The sweetest sound anyone can hear is the sound of their own name on your lips.

Give them your attention and they'll almost feel obligated to hear what you have to say, at least out of common courtesy.

Don't beat people over the head verbally to make them hear you. Let them know you put their interests above your own. Besides, nobody wants to drink water from a fire hydrant when a cup of water will do just fine, thank you.

Become good at lending your ears to people who just want to vent, to sound off, to get things off their chest. If you can master this skill you will discover two things:

1.  That you have access to information they need (or maybe know how to get it), and...

2.  After you lend your ears and they find out you may be able to help them, they'll be willing to lend you theirs

That's all for now, gotta run.

Until next time, remember...

Keep it simple...  See ya!

Lend Them Your Ears

ATTENTION: 
- the act or power of carefully thinking about, listening to, or watching someone or something
- notice, interest or awareness; special care or treatment
- observation, notice: especially: consideration with a view to action

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears..."
- Mark Antony, from the play 'Julius Caesar,' by William Shakespeare, Act 3, Scene 2

Recently one of my sisters shared a concern with one of her sons. She's taking care of a newborn and sees her 3 year old getting bored. She wants to help him but doesn't know what she can do.

I didn't know what to do either so I just listened as she vented her frustration.

Another one of my sisters is gung ho about health and fitness. Because of her busy work schedule any time spent at the gym is a precious commodity. She works hard to improve her health and talks often about taking personal responsibility for her wellness.

Again I didn't know what to do other than listen, so I gave her my attention and considered what she said. Not just because she's my sister but because I think she's right. I also have an interest in health and wellness so hearing what she had to say was not a problem.

Because I listened intently I was able to share some information I picked up when I was out and about that helped both of them:

For the "new mom" sister I shared a website I found for a youth soccer program geared to children around her son's age, a program not far from her house.

For my "health and wellness" sister I shared an online article that reveals 16 different foods that can burn belly fat. Some of the foods she was already eating but others were a pleasant surprise.

My sisters greatly appreciated what I shared with them, for two reasons:  

First, because it was just the kind of knowledge they needed for their particular situation, and...

Second, because I listened to what they had to say, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to help them resolve their problems. 

Both situations reminded me of a very important lesson, a lesson that is required for anyone who wishes to be successful in any area of life, whether personally or professionally.

I'll share more details about that lesson next time, but here's a hint. It's something I learned as a child and taught it to my own children when I became a parent. It goes something like this:

God gave us two eyes, two ears, and one mouth because that's how often He wants us to use them...  DO THE MATH..!!!

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until next time, remember...

Keep it simple...  See ya!


  

An Open Letter to Cam Newton

Hello Cam,

It is easy to kick a man when he is down. That's what I've always been told. It seems just as easy to wish a successful man to fail. That's just part of human nature, I guess.

I've heard people say for many years that everybody loves a winner, but I know that's just not true. The truth is, everybody loves a winner, so long as they are just like them. 

Being a bit different than the crowd puts you in a position to face the slings and arrows of critics who wish you didn't stick out like a sore thumb so much. That's part of human nature, too.

While there are people who don't entirely agree with your lifestyle (don't count me among them, by the way), that doesn't mean you can't be different.  What kind of world would we have where there was only one flavor of ice cream? Or one kind of pizza? One kind of music?   BORRRRINNGGG...!!!!

Variety is the spice of life. That's the fact, Jack.  It's seasoning that makes food taste better, and we can add as little or as much as we like. It all depends on our taste.

Guys like you are seasoning. You make football, and sports as a whole, much more fun to watch. Less predictable. More enjoyable. Like it or not, agree with it or not, that's the main reason people tune in. Sports represent the ultimate reality show. 

Like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. You never see the same thing twice.  We're drawn to it like moths to a flame. Even if we get burned from time to time, the attraction is there. We get a chance to behold and bask in its glow.

I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon of folks that criticize you for your so-called "antics." Neither am I going to bash you for being a "sore loser," as some are doing.

Courage isn't required to bash someone for walking away when he's dealing with feelings of anguish in the immediate aftermath of a setback. It takes no guts to second guess someone who has trouble facing the cameras when most critics will never have their failures displayed so publicly.

Some of us remember what it feels like to fail, to get back up after falling down when our hearts ache with the heaviness of defeat. So this note isn't to rub salt in your wounds. You have enough people doing that to you already.

This note is to encourage you, to let you know that your best days are still ahead of you. As the late Phil Rizzuto once said, "Even in defeat, the seeds of future greatness can be sown." 

You may have trouble seeing that now when your heart is clouded with pain but let me remind you it was just two years ago your opponent was confronted with the same feelings of frustration you are experiencing now. 

Did you notice they found a way to rise from the ashes of that failure?  I did. Others did. I trust you will do the same.

So hold your head up, Cameron Newton. There are people in your life who love and respect you. There are still fans who admire you, who remain in your corner, who support you now more than ever, at the time you need it most.

And now that you're a new daddy, I can share this advice with you: 

When my son was little we watched many films together, shared many father/son moments. One of my favorites was The Lion King, where the wise baboon Rafiki shared some profound wisdom with a still grieving Simba over the pain of his past:

Long story short, you are a past and FUTURE champion who is feeling pain from a setback. Learn from it, and use that pain you now feel...to push you and your team to your prize.

Enjoy your offseason, spend as much precious time as possible with your new baby boy (I assume you will teach him how to dab before he's 2...smile), and come back stronger than ever.

Let this moment be a stepping stone to your next triumph. When you get to the mountaintop you'll be able to enjoy the view...and best of all you'll appreciate every step of the way.

Take care, be safe, enjoy your family...and we'll see you again in the fall...

#KeepPounding

Success Isn't Built In a Day

"For He says, precept upon precept, precept upon precept, rule upon rule, rule upon rule, here a little, there a little." - Isaiah 28:10 AMP

"Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal." - Earl Nightingale

A far back as I can remember I've been into physical fitness. I enjoy working out, stretching, using weights to stay strong and flexible. (It doesn't hurt that people think I'm younger than I really am; that's an added bonus)

I've done aerobics, tae bo, pilates, even strength training, as well as long distance walking and jogging too (as I get older it becomes more occasional that it used to be, but it is what it is...oh, well).

I stay with it because I like the effect it has on my body; it keeps me fit. When I don't do it or slack off for a while I know it should be done, so I get back to it as soon as I can.

But it's not the results I go for, it's the process. Every day in every way, I'm getting better and better, so the saying goes, and that's how I feel when I exercise. 

I don't panic when I look in the mirror, or hide my eyes when I step on the scale (I don't pay much attention, to be honest). I just work out, stay consistent, and let the results take care of themselves.

I recently discovered a parallel that exists between building one's body, building one's business, or making any changes in their life.

For example,  I see people get all fired up about starting a business. They want to quit their job, ride off into the sunset with their families in tow and sing a song of new found freedom.

But what happens to many of them?  They take a few lumps, have a setback here and there, stumble a bit more than they expected. Then suddenly the dream they had in their heart looks impossible, out of reach. They're tempted to quit, and some yield to that temptation:

"It might work for others, but it just doesn't work for me..." 

"Maybe I'm just not cut out for living that kind of life..."

"Maybe what I had wasn't so bad after all..."

Little by little, such thoughts take hold in their minds and they talk themselves out of any thought they had of changing their lives.

WHY..??? I think I know...

They think success is all or nothing, hit or miss, a one shot deal. It's not. Success is a process. It doesn't happen overnight. Part of the process involves doing things that produce the results we seek over time. Day by day. Little by little.

Unfortunately, many people get hung up on results. In their minds they aren't successful unless they get immediate results every time. They feel like failure is a missed opportunity. They don't realize they can learn valuable lessons that can serve them well if they just stay on course.

This is why they get discouraged when results don't come as easily or quickly as they expected. They get discouraged. They quit. They don't want to struggle. They don't realize the struggle can help them grow. It's part of the process. It helps them learn to appreciate the results they get. But they'll never learn that lesson if they give up the fight so soon.  

Success is not about what you attain, but who you become. It's an inside-out process, contrary to the belief of many that once they get "stuff," they'll set aside time to work on themselves, to get better. Life rarely works that way.

Dr. Eric Thomas says it best, "Don't let your talent take you where your character can't keep you." I couldn't agree more. We have as examples many stories we read today of former superstar athletes who made millions of dollars during their playing careers, only to be left with nothing once the cheering stopped. 

They thought their contracts would provide an endless "gravy train" that would fund a lavish lifestyle from now to forever. When they found out otherwise, it was too late. All their money was gone.

Whether through poor planning (or no planning), bad investment, business or personal decisions, they went broke financially, as well as emotionally, mentally, and socially. Their bank accounts grew but their hearts and minds did not. They failed to keep up.

That may seem extreme, and appear to have nothing to do with building oneself but I assure you it has everything to do with what I'm saying. Don't make the mistake they made. Don't look at life as an "all or nothing" proposition. Don't leave success to chance, or see it as a "hit the big Lotto/Powerball jackpot," once in a lifetime opportunity.  

There's an old saying that holds true, "Rome wasn't built in a day." The same applies to success in every area of your life. Building anything successfully takes time. It doesn't happen overnight. Besides if it did you wouldn't appreciate all that made it possible. 

Enjoy the ride, enjoy the process. Allow daily, consistent activity to build your foundation from the inside out. Become successful on the inside before you experience it on the outside.  

If you can do that, you'll be able to stand prosperity...and be able to stand tall, too.

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until next time, remember...

Keep it simple...  See ya!

Why You Shouldn't Wait...NOW Is Your Time! Part 2

"Behold, now is the acceptable time, behold, now is the day of salvation..." - 2 Corinthians 6:2 AMP

URGENT: very important and needing immediate attention; calling for immediate attention; showing that something is very important and needs immediate attention

Hi again!

Last time I dropped a hint that there was something Dr. King knew that Goldilocks didn't.

If you recall I mentioned the story of Goldilocks and The Three Bears and compared it to Dr. King's Letter From a Birmingham Jail.


You may think this story has nothing at all to do with Dr. King, but I can assure you it does. Let me explain.

In the fairy tale, Goldilocks looked around for things that were "just right": the porridge, the chairs, and eventually the bed where she was found sleeping.

Many people today live with a Goldilocks mentality. They believe everything in life has to be "just right." Someone else has to make things "just right" for them or they can't enjoy life. They can't be happy. 

George Bernard Shaw referred to them as "...a selfish, feverish little clod of ailments and grievances believing the world should devote itself to making [them] happy..."

But guess what people..?  

Life ain't a fairy tale. There's no such thing as "just right," at least not the kind that shows up on its own. And certainly not the kind that you sit around waiting for someone else to hand over to you.

Rev. King knew back in his day, just as in today's world, that what you want from life doesn't become reality until you place a demand on it. 

"Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor. It must be demanded by the oppressed." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Life is not a game of chance, there is no "better break," unless you make it so. (with apologies to Captain Jean-Luc Picard of Star Trek: The Next Generation )

Just as it was in Rev. King's day, so it is in ours. Waiting for others to make everything good happen in your life is a losing proposition. Whatever changes you want to make in your life start with you. Yes...YOU.

But not so fast. You need to know some things... 

Know that as you take action to change your life, people you are close to may be disappointed in you. They won't be shy to express their disappointment because you didn't live according to their expectations. They'll criticize you, second guess your decisions. 

Since they don't want you to change, they'll pressure you to surrender, give up on your dreams, just take life as it comes. Because they don't understand what you do or why you do it, they may they may turn their backs on you, maybe even abandon you when they realize they can't "talk some sense" into you.

If they can't do that, they'll try to make you wait for a more convenient time to seek your dreams. "If what you want is meant to be you won't have to work for it. It'll just happen," they say. Their motto is the old Doris Day tune:

Que sera, sera...whatever will be, will be...
The future's not ours to see...
Que sera, sera...

Reality check people: If you take their advice you'll wind up like these folks:

Yeah...stranded in the middle of nowhere with Gilligan, waiting for somebody to rescue you, sailing a vessel that may never come.

But here's something else you should know...

Despite their beliefs to the contrary, your dreams are not a waste of time. They're an indication that you're here to serve a purpose. 

You were not placed on this earth to please the do-nothings in life. It's their job to make themselves happy, not yours. If they don't change their lives and they're miserable it's not your fault. It's their own.

Yes, they may be disappointed but there are many more people in this world who will be let down even more if you don't follow the dream in your heart. They need you to do so because you can make a positive difference in their lives.

Your purpose in life is to serve others from a free and willing heart. Your gifts and talents are for their benefit. Maybe you haven't met them yet. That's okay. As you fully express your uniqueness, you will cross their paths, and they will cross yours:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us...Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine...It's not just in some of us; It's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, We...give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

So stop waiting for things to be "just right." There's only one Goldilocks, and it ain't YOU. 

Your name isn't Cinderella or Snow White. Stop waiting for some "happily ever after" fantasy. There's no Prince Charming. There's no steamship sailing, no plane flying overhead to rescue you from your Gilligan's Island existence.

Take a tip from Dr. King. Stop waiting for life to voluntarily give you what you want. Your time is NOW. Demand what you want from life, then...GO AFTER IT! Face it folks, you either decide what you want, or settle for what you get. There is no middle ground.

You may lose friends, you may lose face (in the short term anyway), you may even lose the approval of loved ones. But in their place you'll meet new friends and acquaintances who will respect and admire your courageous stand. 

You can inspire them and encourage them through your example. You can help them to stand on their own two feet. And in the end when you've won your own personal battle for freedom, you can look down from your mountaintop like Dr. King and say...

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until next time, remember...

Keep it simple...  See ya!