Complexity Repels, Simplicity Attracts, Part II

"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled (ranked below others who are honored or rewarded), and he who humbles himself (keeps a modest opinion of himself and behaves accordingly) will be exalted (elevated in rank)." - Luke 14:11 AMP

I mentioned in Part I that people do business with those they know, like and trust. I also said that when you invite people to join your business, they wonder if they can really do what you are showing them. You may remember how I spoke of my experience years ago when I was introduced to Toastmasters International, how I felt when I attended my first meeting as a guest wondering if I'd be able to do what I saw all these people doing, standing up at the podium and giving a calm, effective talk with relaxed poise. I'll never forget how the other members put my mind at ease. They showed me that if I kept things as simple as possible I could excel at public speaking while learning to lead and communicate with confidence.

You may also remember this video I shared from Part I:

"Do what I do...and say what I say...and make me proud," said Bill Murray as he encouraged his fellow soldiers during practice as they prepared for promotion exercises which signaled graduation from basic training. 

I see a common theme in the scene with Bill Murray, my years with Toastmasters, and with people who are invited to presentations for the purpose of getting involved with a business: each time someone is wondering to themselves:  Is this something I can really do?

This is the question that a prospect or invited guest really wants to answer. Even if they are interested, they will say NO if they believe there's no way they can learn to do what you are sharing with them. So the responsibility for answering the unspoken question that rolls around in their minds does not fall to them, but to YOU. But it isn't just what you tell them that answers their question, it's how you tell them that makes the difference. 

When introduced to something new, a person's natural tendency is to worry that they won't be able to do what they see; it's too hard to do, too hard to learn, impossible to master. Even if this isn't really true, it's their perception and that's all that matters in their minds. Overcome their objections and show them that what they see is not as impossible to achieve as they might believe it is. As I learned in Toastmasters, the best way to address this situation is to show your "newbie" how to take simple steps at the beginning that help them build momentum, along with their confidence. You don't give a thirsty child a drink of water from a fire hose at full blast, and you don't give your prospect or new member more than they can handle at the very beginning. Keep things simple:

"But the wisdom from above is first of all pure (undefiled); then it is peace-loving, courteous (considerate, gentle). [It is willing to] yield to reason, full of compassion and good fruits; it is wholehearted and straightforward, impartial and unfeigned (free from doubts, wavering and insincerity)..." - James 3:17 AMP 

Let your people know that you are there to help them, not the other way around. Don't over complicate things, and don't reinvent the wheel. You will drive people away if they feel overwhelmed or threatened. Simplicity is king, not complexity...and if you really want to reach people where they live, remember these words:

PRIDE: a feeling that you are more important or better than other people; inordinate self-esteem: CONCEIT (too much pride in your own worth or goodness)

HUMILITY: the quality or state that you are not better than other people: the quality or state of being humble (reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission)

Let them know you are there to help them, that your interest is in them, not in you. People are drawn to humility and sincerity long before they are impressed by knowledge. Knowledge puffs up with pride and inflates your ego if you're not careful. Build people up with a servant's heart, a spirit of humility. Serve them, give them confidence in themselves and their abilities, let them know their dreams are not only possible but reachable. And as you do so, you will be astounded by what you will be able to accomplish in their lives...and in yours.

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya!

Complexity Repels, Simplicity Attracts

"Be not forward (self-assertive and boastfully ambitious) in the presence of the king, and stand not in the place of great men: For better it is that it should be said to you, Come up here, than that you should be put lower in the presence of the prince, whose eyes have seen you." - Proverbs 25: 6,7 AMP

It is said that people do business with those they know, like and trust. It is also said that the best way to connect with people is to find a way to establish common ground with them. And the best way to do that, I believe, is to reassure them that you know what it's like to walk in their shoes, because you've been where they are and know how they feel, you know how to get from where they are now to where they'd rather be, and you're willing to help them get there.

I learned this lesson firsthand during my years in Toastmasters International, an organization dedicated to communication and leadership training. My first visit to a local club meeting answered some important questions that rattled my brain:

Can these people help me to become a good communicator and better leader? 
Can they show me how to have more self-confidence?
Do they really know how I feel right now?
Can they help me overcome my fears and doubts?

They put my mind at ease very quickly, because several of the members shared how they felt when they started out (some called it "overcoming the knocking knees") and I learned that no matter how successful they became from the training they received, they never forgot how it felt to be a scared little newbie. They took great care to encourage, reassure and congratulate guests and new members alike whenever a milestone was reached, no matter how small the achievement may have seemed. 

In business as in Toastmasters, this principle is no different. All the guests and newbies look around with wide eyes, awed, scared of what's going on, and when they see and hear all there is to see and hear, somewhere in the back of their minds they are thinking:

Can I really do this?
Do I really have to say all that I'm hearing them say? I don't know if I can do all that...

It is the leader's job to answer these questions while putting their minds at ease. A leader can successfully answer these questions if he knows the difference between two key words...

Words which I will reveal in the next installment of this article. Give heed to what you've read so far, and look for Part II soon. But if you just can't wait for what comes next, here's a hint:

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple...   See ya!

Your Desire Fuels Your Fire

"Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men." - Colossians 3:23 AMP

HEARTILY:
- in an enthusiastic and energetic way
- with zest or gusto 

"I don't like the subtle infiltration of 'something for nothing' philosophies into the very hearthstone of the American family. I believe that 'Thou shalt earn the bread by the sweat of thy face' was a benediction and not a penalty. Work is the zest of life; there is joy in its pursuit." - Branch Rickey

Athletes...

Musicians...

Actors and actresses...

What do they all have in common?

Some would view what they do as a frivolous activity which wastes time, a useless diversion that is done by someone who couldn't get a "real" job. The truth says otherwise. Each group provides a lesson in what it takes to achieve success if we pay attention to what they show us. Sadly, most people fail to notice.

To be successful you must have...

PASSION: a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something

PURPOSE: the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something

CONVICTION: a strong belief or opinion; the feeling of being sure that what you believe or say is true

All three combined create a most powerful force called...

ENERGY: the ability to be active: physical or mental strength that allows you to do things; natural enthusiasm and effort; vigorous exertion of power

This energy draws people to what you do, makes them want to know more about you, causes them to stick around.  Energy like this is not only attractive, it is contagious, some would even call it infectious. If I'm not mistaken, it is described these days as "going viral," and while most viruses are said to be detrimental, medically speaking, this is the type of virus you would want to catch, and definitely like to spread.  "The more, the merrier," is true in this case.

So the next time you see your favorite "baller," hear your favorite "crooner," (whether of voice or instrument), or watch your favorite actor or actress on the small or the silver screen, a word to the wise would be to learn the lesson they're teaching: throw your whole self into whatever you do with all your might; hold nothing back. Kindle the passion, the purpose, the conviction required to create energy that glows from within you bright enough to draw people to your side from miles around. 

"This is the true joy in life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being recognized as a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy... 

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live... 

Life is no 'brief candle' to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before passing it on to future generations."
- George Bernard Shaw  


In whatever you do, let your desire fuel your fire you to stoke a roaring blaze, lighting the path which leads to the success you seek. And don't worry about whether anyone will notice. The right people will come to watch you burn.

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya!

Success Makes No Sense

"This book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success." - Joshua 1:8 AMP

Just a few thoughts about success...

Sometimes to be successful you need to do things that the average person is fully capable of doing, yet not willing.  Success has nothing to do with popularity.

Mediocre people think you are foolish, maybe even stupid for doing things that regular people don't do. They can't understand what you do, or why you do it. But that's okay, they don't have to understand. 

It is said that obsessed is a word used by lazy folks who want to criticize, belittle, humiliate, or put to shame the diligent ones who do whatever it takes to achieve success.  They're the "it don't take all that" crowd, the ones who believe success comes by accident or entitlement, who believe excellence takes too much effort, wastes too much time.  They want to reap a harvest they didn't plant from seeds they didn't sow.  They have no understanding of investment, whether time talent or treasure and no clue that it's possible to expect a reward on an honest effort to the best of one's ability.  

They believe success is just given to people by people who "like" them, who favor them, sort of like a teacher's pet.  Well, in a sense they're right: people who recognize effort...reward effort. But the ones who don't want to make an effort just don't get it. To them, it's much easier to criticize others because they don't know what others are doing, or where the results of their work may lead.

But none of that matters, because they are not the ones to judge what you do.  Your peace of mind and your heart's contentment does not rest with them but with you. If you know that what you're doing is right, just, valuable, and serves a worthwhile purpose, the words of critics who fail to understand your motives mean nothing at all. Seeing how their two cents isn't really worth two cents, their words unheeded will die in their throats.

So do what you know is right, even if others don't understand, even if you feel a little foolish, you're not all that sure of what you're doing, or you can't make enough sense of what you do to explain it to someone else.

Don't be ashamed, don't be embarrassed. To those who embrace failure as a way of life, success and what one must do to achieve it, will never make sense. The critic never counts, the ones in your life who truly matter don't mind what you do, so...

"Do it anyway...because in the end, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway." - Mother Teresa

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple....  See ya!

Your Greatest Value

"Let not yours be the merely [external] adorning with elaborate interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God." 
- I Peter 3: 3,4 AMP

VALUE: relative worth, usefulness, or importance

There's a very popular saying making the rounds these days when it comes to being successful in the everyday world. Chances are you've heard it, or even said it yourself:

DRESS FOR SUCCESS

Simply put, we are told that the best way to be successful is to look successful. We need to put on our best suit, look sharp, look clean, look like we have it all together, from the way we dress to the car we drive, the house we live in, to our neighbors, our jobs, our kids, careers, everything has to be a spotless veneer, polished, flawless, not a hair out of place, as some said back in the day. 

Now there's nothing wrong with looking good or putting your best foot forward because you don't get a second chance to make a first impression.  It's important to have a great opening act, as some in the world of the stage might say. But once the opening act is over, what do you do for an encore? What about Act 2? Scene 2? What will people see when they look past your exterior?  Any new car can look good on the showroom floor, but what happens when it's time to look under the hood or take it out on the road? Here's what I mean:

Think of the parties you've gone to in your life: a birthday party, a bridal shower, a wedding, a baby shower, just to name a few. All these parties have one thing in common: somebody received gifts. And usually those gifts are wrapped with wrapping paper, bows, tags, ribbons, gift bags, tissue paper, you name it, anything goes when it comes to making the gift look as nice as possible when it is given to the intended recipient. But when it's time for those gifts to be opened, what happens to all that wrapping paper?  That's right, it gets torn up and discarded so the receiver can see the gift inside. And while everybody "oooh's" and "aaah's" over the gift, it's off to the trash for all that wrapping paper, along with the ribbons and bows. Once the gift is revealed, all the wrappings don't mean very much anymore. The value they once had just isn't there, which reminds me of this:

You see, you can look good, smell good, even talk good (forgive my grammar if it's bad), but that will only get you in the door. Your outward appearance is merely your gift wrapping. As nice as it is, and as good as you look, eventually people will want to know you better, and the only way they can do that is to break the seal, tear off the wrapping, and see the gift you hold inside. All the pretty wrapping paper in the world cannot compare to the true value of a man or woman that the world is waiting to see and appreciate. It's not the clothes that make the man (or woman), it's the man or woman who "make" the clothes, so to speak. They are the ones who give form and substance to everything they do. The value is not the wrapping but the gift inside. 

If you try to get by with eloquent speech, pretending to be someone you are not, sooner or later you will drop your guard and the real you is going to be exposed, whether you like it or not. That is not to say that you'll never make mistakes; nobody's perfect, and we all stumble and fall at some point in our lives. If you haven't done so yet, just wait, your turn is coming. What you want to do instead is let people see you as you truly are, and let them know that despite your best efforts sometimes you miss the mark. It's okay, people don't relate to people who think they're flawless; they relate best to people who have the courage to acknowledge their shortcomings because we all have them. People want to find common ground, and gravitate best to those who have the courage to seek common ground with them.

So, long story short, the greatest value you can offer to the people in your life, not your suit or dress, your house or car, your status, position, or even any adornments you may wear on your body, as impressive as your clothing and jewelry may be.  No, the greatest value you can share with others is your very being, the real you, the genuine article. If you can do that, chances are best that you will be seen and appreciated for who you are, and you'll never have to fear someone finding out you were pretending to be someone you were never meant to be.

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not be false then to any man." - William Shakespeare

"If you tell the truth you'll never have to remember what you said." - Unknown

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple....  See ya!

  

The Best Gift Is Your Presence

PRESENCE:
- the fact of being in a particular place
- the area that is close to someone
- the fact or condition of being available to be used or considered

"Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious [right] hand of rightness and justice. For I, the Lord God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, Who says to you, Fear not; I will help you." 
- Isaiah 41:10,13 AMP

I remember a time several years ago when a friend's mother passed away. I was home from college for summer break and went to see him, just to see how he and his family were coping with their loss. I had meant to express my condolences, but as the evening wore on we sat in the living room for a few minutes, talking about nothing in particular. I couldn't think of anything to say; to be honest, I didn't think anything I could say or do would help very much.  His family was grieving because their loved one was gone. How could I ever hope to make a difference? I thought.

But as I got up to leave, he shook my hand and thanked me for coming by. It was then that I realized I had done something for him. He didn't need me to say anything. I didn't need to do anything for him either. All he needed was for me to be present to let him know he had my support during a most difficult time in his life. All I had to do for him was show up, be there for a few minutes so he could unburden his heart any way he needed to, and let him know I had his back.  That's all that was necessary, and he let me know he appreciated me for doing so.

Now we may not know anyone who is going through such a tough time emotionally, as the loss of a loved one, but there are still many of us who know people in our lives who have needs, and we overextend ourselves in an effort to provide for them what we think they need, only to later discover that they don't need nearly as much from us as we think they do. If you're a parent you can relate to what I'm saying. Sometimes we parents tie ourselves up in knots, stressing out over what we think our children need, bending over backward to make sure they have everything we can possibly provide for them.  And then we find out, much to our surprise, they didn't want or need nearly as much as we thought they did. We get hung up on presents when all our children want is our PRESENCE. In my experience, when my children were babies, more often than not they would get upset if I left them in a room by themselves (like bedtime for instance) because they wanted was to know that I was around. If I was in the room with them and they were secure in the knowledge that I was there, they had no problem falling asleep, and staying asleep. 

It's true with any relationship you have, business or personal: we all relate best to people they can count on to be around, even if they're not physically present, safe in the knowledge that their presence is a factor. More than anything, people don't want to know if you are able, they want to know if you are AVAILABLE.  They want to know that whatever they do, wherever they go, they are not alone. As the saying goes, "no man is an island," and it is true in any area of life. 

People want to know that whenever they need leadership and guidance, they can find it. Yes, it is true that like baby eagles one day they will need to leave the nest, but they want to know there is someone who is willing to show them how to spread their wings, to set an example they can follow so they'll be ready to soar when their time comes.  As children learning to ride our bicycles we had tricycles, then training wheels, and then we were able to take the training wheels off and ride our bikes, fully capable of keeping our balance all by ourselves. That type of guidance isn't always needed, but it's good to know it's there.

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel like you're all alone." - Robin Williams 

Never take for granted the power you have to influence someone's life for good. You can make a positive impact in the lives of every person whose path you cross. A kind word in their hearts can do more for their lives than a full tank of gas can do for your car. 

"I can live for two months on a good compliment." - Mark Twain

"A life is not important, except in the impact it has on other lives." - Jackie Robinson

When all is said and done, it is not any gift or talent you possess that will impress the people in your life. It is your presence that will mean the most to them, and your presence alone which will make the biggest impact.

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

Don't just be present in their lives, be a presence. Make an impact, make a difference. And when you do, people will remember you with gratitude because this is how you made them feel:

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple....  See ya!

What Is Your Heart Like?

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a peck measure, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. Let your light so shine before men that they may see your moral excellence and your praiseworthy, noble and good deeds and recognize and honor and praise and glorify your Father Who is in heaven." - Matthew 5:14-16 AMP

STINGY: 
- not generous: sparing or scant in using, giving, or spending
- meanly scanty or small

GENEROUS:
- characterized by a noble or kindly spirit
- showing kindness and concern for others

I've heard it said that the reason many people suffer in relationships because they fail to communicate. I respectfully disagree. The way I see it, there's plenty of communication going on these days. Just look at the explosion of social media, all the different outlets where people can voice their opinions, make themselves heard. While it is true these tools have great potential for getting a message across, they can also be a two-edged sword, a help, and a hindrance, a blessing, and a curse. 

Why do I say this? Because it seems like everybody these days wants to get attention, put in their two cents, bask in the glow of their fifteen minutes of fame, but very few people want to give attention, much less pay attention to anyone else. Like I told my kids when they were little, God gave them two ears and only one mouth, for one very specific reason, because it's more important to hear than to be heard, to listen than to be listened to.

As I said before, there is plenty of communication going on, but there's something missing. People cannot find any common ground, because, for all their talk, they don't do one very important thing:

CONNECT:
- to become joined
- to have or establish a friendly relationship marked by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity 
- to place or establish in relationship

Face it, folks, communication is overrated if building a connection is not part of the game plan. People are willing to connect with people they know they can relate to, people that can relate to them, right where they are, because they know what it's like to walk in one another's shoes. All your eloquent speech is a waste of breath if you cannot get people to join their heart with yours. They want to know you're genuine, that there are no hidden agendas, no ulterior motives. If they can't find common ground with you, or if they feel in any way like you're playing some sort of "bait and switch" game with their emotions, you can forget about establishing any kind of meaningful relationship with them. 

That is why I started this article with the definitions of stingy and generous. You must decide whether or not you're willing to share your heart with others, because your heart is the real you. People want to connect from one heart to another. If they perceive that you are reaching out to them with your heart, they will gladly reach out to you with theirs. You cannot pull the wool over people's eyes for very long; they'll see right through your ruse. Maybe you can obscure their vision for a time, but the true motives of your heart will be revealed, for better or worse.

"For there is nothing hidden that shall not be disclosed, nor anything secret that shall not be known and come out into the open." - Luke 8:17 AMP

This is true whether you're building a relationship, building a family, even building a business. You will connect best with those who know your heart is big, you have a kind, generous spirit, and you are willing to give from your heart and receive with your heart as well. Whatever you send out, comes right back to you. 

So turn on your heartlight, and let others know what your heart is like. Be generous, not stingy with your light everywhere you go, and you will connect with people who appreciate your glow.

"The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller.  The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped." - Proverbs 11: 24-25 MSG

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...  See ya!