Let Them Know About You

I remember my first days with Toastmasters International when I was told the first step toward receiving Competent Toastmaster status was to give an introductory speech called an Icebreaker. The purpose of the Icebreaker is to tell the rest of the club a little something about yourself, so everyone can know you a bit better.

Looking back on that experience, it wasn't much different from what I heard when I started a business, that I should tell people my story because people do business with those they know, like, and trust. In both instances, my response was the same...  I panicked.

I panicked because I got defensive. I got defensive because I was scared. I got scared because I was reluctant to tell anybody about myself. I was afraid that if I let people see me as I truly am they would find out how awkward I felt, how unsure of myself I was. Long story short, I feared that people would laugh at me for appearing weak, needy, clingy, desperate, immature, silly, stupid, vulnerable, the list goes on, I think you get the idea. I believed the only people who could truly connect with others were those were were oil slick, velvet smooth, silver tongued fast talkers with bright, shiny, polished veneers, diamond sparkling brilliance, not a hair out of place. In other words, you had to be perfect, virtually flawless, and believe me, there was no way on God's green earth I could possibly fit that description. As I write this, I still don't fit that bill.

But when I dropped my guard and let people see the real me, an amazing thing happened: I found out that all those assumptions I had couldn't be further from the truth. I connected with more people than I ever dreamed possible. And I discovered something just as remarkable. People do not seek to connect with people who impress them, they seek people they can relate to, people they can talk with on a comfortable level, just like slipping on a familiar pair of loafers. They don't want people in their lives who are flawless, they want people who are just like they are: HUMAN, people with ups, downs, and vulnerabilities, people with whom they can find common ground, even if finding that common ground means they find in someone else a kindred spirit who is dissatisfied with things in their life as they are right now, and seek a way to make their situation better.

So don't be afraid to be human, because it's okay to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, to be imperfect. Don't waste time trying to impress people, that is a sign of desperation, which reveals that you are pretending to be someone you're not, in an effort to get people to like you. People relate to people who help them see themselves and like themselves. As the saying goes, "We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." (Anais Nin)

Risk being vulnerable. Risk being human. Risk being real and genuine. As you do so, people will want to know more about you, so they can like and trust you, too.

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
- William Shakespeare, Hamlet

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya!