The Paradox of Success

PARADOX:
- a principle contrary to received opinion
- a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true

I remember two important times in my life when I learned to do something for the first time: ride a bike, and give a speech. I say both are important because I learned a very important lesson from both experiences. Let me explain.

When I got on the bike I was unsteady and unsure, but also excited. I fell the first few times but I gained confidence because with each try I kept my balance a little bit longer without falling, until I finally was able to ride up and down the block on my own. At first, I was scared, but when I saw I could ride and keep my balance I felt free as a bird. I was on top of the world and I felt like nothing could stop me. Mission accomplished. 

When I gave my first speech you probably thought I was excited, right? Uh...no. I wasn't excited at all, I was scared stupid, second-guessing just what I was doing, and kicking my own butt for taking the plunge when I felt so unsure of myself. I remember how I felt when I went out to the front of the room to speak. I wasn't nervous, I was petrified with fear. My heart was pounding, my palms sweaty, my voice trembling, my knees knocked. I stammered and struggled the entire time (I didn't think those five minutes would ever end!) and when I finished, I was applauded; people told me I did a great job. They congratulated me for a successful speech. (I thought, Huh? What are you talking about?) I thought they confused me with someone else. I felt like a failure and here they were patting me on the back. Something didn't add up.

In both cases I succeeded, but here's the funny thing: learning to ride a bike wasn't nearly as big a struggle as learning to speak in public. Riding a bike was a piece of cake compared to giving a speech. I couldn't understand why. After giving it some thought, I realized that my expectations were different. Nobody judged me if I couldn't ride a bike; it was just something I learned to do through trial and error. But when I stood in front of a podium I thought I was "supposed" to have it all figured out in advance. My level of expectation was different, which is why I thought I "should" have known enough about giving a speech to keep myself from not being in control of the situation. I was way too hard on myself.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I had forgotten what it was like to be truly successful. I thought I had to look successful. I thought I had to have everything already figured out. I thought I had to do things right the first time, every time, all the time. I thought I could never make a mistake, that I couldn't afford to fail. I thought I could never admit a setback for fear of looking foolish.  

As it turned out, I had it all backward. I forgot what it was like to enjoy success like I did when I learned to ride my first bike. Success has nothing to do with looking as if you've already arrived. Success is about trying, falling down, getting back up, and trying again until you get it right. It is a journey of constant improvement, not a single place on the map of your life where you can say you've arrived. 

Success is not about how you look on the outside, it's about letting the true you come out.  Success means developing your gifts and talents in those moments when you're unsure of yourself, when you're unsteady, not in command, when you don't know if you'll stand or fall, or whether you'll walk on stage to an ovation or be greeted by the chirping silence of crickets:

So you stumble and fall...so what? Don't be so hard on yourself. Everybody who is able to walk today has experienced the same thing. They learned to "SUCK" before they learned to SUCCEED. Everyone who enjoys success knows you must start by failing forward. You crawl before you walk, and walk before you run. It's the paradox of success: as we fall down, we learn to get up...and as we learn how to fall, we gain the confidence to stand tall.

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple....  See ya!