You Can't Buy "Street Cred"

"Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips." - Proverbs 27:2 AMP

MASQUERADE: a way of appearing or behaving that is not true or real; an action or appearance that is mere disguise or show

CREDIBILITY: the quality of being believed or accepted as being true, real, or honest; the quality or power of inspiring belief; capacity for belief

Have you ever heard the saying, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression"..? I know I've heard it many times, and I bet you have, too. On the surface it seems to make a lot of sense, because after all, it pays to put your best foot forward when you meet someone for the first time, right?

Well, the answer is yes...and no. Let me explain.

Making a good first impression can be beneficial in the long run...as long as you are genuine. In baseball it is said that the quality most appreciated in a good umpire is consistency; the decisions he makes in the first inning are the same in the ninth inning. So it is in life; people want to know you are the same person tomorrow that they see today. They don't like flakes, and they don't like fakes. Many people seek to impress with pretense, only to have it backfire on them. Nobody can play a fake role for very long without dropping their guard at some point. When that does happen, and people finally get to see who you really are, you will lose something very valuable in their eyes: TRUST. And trust is something that is hard to keep, easy to break, and once broken, difficult to repair. They no longer trust you to show them who you really are, because you did not trust them to make an accurate assessment of you, based on who you really are, not who you appear to be.

Why do so many people pretend to be someone they're not for the sake of impressing others? Because they fear rejection. They fear that if people saw the real man or woman behind the mask, they may not like what they see. Truth is, we cannot arrange our own credibility with others; we must let others establish it for us. We cannot build our own reputation with phoniness, but we can surely destroy it.

Ever heard of "social proof"..? It takes place in the dating scene and applies just as much in business as to personal relationships. Here's an example:

A man may have trouble finding a date, much less a woman who shows him any interest. Females avoid him like the plague because he seems unappealing. But let just one woman find something about him that is the least bit interesting, no matter how small it seems, something that makes her feel good about herself, and suddenly he has more female attention than he can handle, women competing so hard for the attention that they seem to be stalking him; before long they're invading his space so much that he has to beat them off with a stick. (a nice problem to have, some men might say)

The same thing happens with a woman who isn't noticed by most men. All it takes is one man to shower her with any amount of attention or affection, be it large or small, for any reason at all, then suddenly she has men competing for her attention who didn't care about her at all before.  Why? Because her value was established in the eyes of another man. She was seen as a person worth getting to know better. And she didn't have to do anything to make it happen, other than letting people see her genuine self. No more, no less.

So what am I saying here? Simply this: if you want to make a good impression on people, whether it's the first one, the next one, or the all-important lasting one, the way to put your best foot forward is to be yourself. Don't worry about what others think, and don't pretend to be someone you're not. Be your own person, and trust the people you meet to make their own assessments about you, good, bad, or indifferent.

Don't brag about how good you think you are to others. Nobody likes a braggart, and even if what you say is true, you will turn people off by your overabundant display of self-importance and conceit. A haughty attitude never helps, and a humble spirit never hurts. Let others see that you are comfortable with yourself just as you are, even when you make the occasional mistake. People will relate best to those who help them to become comfortable with themselves, for better or worse.

Be real with people. Be genuine, don't be fake. Let people decide for themselves who you are in their eyes. Trust that they will see you at your authentic best, and when the dust settles, you will have won a most precious prize:

RESPECT:  a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc.; a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way; a high or special regard: ESTEEM

...and in the long run, that is the best "street cred" of all...

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya! 

Champions Keep Going

"And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not relax our courage and faint." - Galatians 6:9 AMP

CHAMPION: WARRIOR (a person who fights in battles and is known for having courage and skill); FIGHTER (someone who does not give up: someone who continues fighting or trying);one that does battle for another's rights or honor;a winner of first prize or first place in a competition, also: one who shows marked superiority

There will be days when you wake up in the morning, and instead of having boundless energy, you sense you are in a fog. Instead of being ready to take on the day, you feel as if you were ambushed in your sleep. Your mind and emotions are clouded with doubt and uncertainty. You question your decisions, and second guess your motives. You wonder if what you are doing is worth the struggle you're going through, especially when your plans aren't coming into focus as fast as you expected. And worse, deep in your heart you fear that all the lazy critics and naysayers, the ones who would not support you, the ones who questioned your sanity in the first place for taking on this challenge instead of being lulled to sleep by the so-called "safe and easy" path of comfort, convenience and security they chose for themselves, may have been right after all.

If you read any of this and you can honestly say, "Yeah, that's me," or you have been all alone with your thoughts, plagued with doubt about your confidence, your competence, your ability to succeed, if you find yourself half way up the mountain to your goal, wondering in a fit of anxiety, frustration, fatigue, or even rage, if what you're going through is worth it, or if you are wasting your time, then my friend, I have two words for you...

Keep going.  

You heard me. I said...KEEP GOING.

The path to your goal includes walking through the valley of the shadow of doubt, death, and indecision. You are not meant to set up camp and have a pity party, but to find a way to forge ahead when mentally and emotionally you seem to be running on fumes.

"Champions find a way to keep going when there's nothing left in their tank." (Eric Thomas) 

There has to be a reason greater than you to make one more move, take one more step. There must be something, or better yet, something in your life who inspires you to keep going, someone who ignites your will to press on, because you can't bear the thought of disappointing them. 

Pro Football Hall of Fame player and former college coach Bill Curry speaks often of his playing days with championship teams like the Green Bay Packers and the Baltimore Colts, days when he wanted to quit because he didn't feel like getting hammered over and over again by the opponent on the other side of the ball. He said it was during these moments he would look to his left and his right where he saw teammates who were willing to take that same punishment for him, and for the rest of the team. When he saw this dedication on the part of his teammates, he said within himself, "I can't let them down," so he endured another play, another series, another quarter, another game in his illustrious career, all because he saw a goal at the end that was bigger than himself, a prize that was greater than the pain he faced during the course of each game he played.

So it must be with all of us. There must be a prize in our lives that outweighs the pain. In sports there is a saying, "Losing hurts worse than winning feels good." We all must find our own reason to push through, to keep going, to press beyond the point where the pain of losing, quitting, giving up, ever becomes a comfortable option. The pain of discipline must always outweigh the pain of regret. 

We must find for ourselves a special something, or someone, about whom we can say, "I can't let them down, because they're counting on me." We must find our own reason to keep going when we have nothing left in our tanks, when our mental, emotional, and spiritual reserves have long reached the "E" mark. We must do this because there is a reason for us that keeps us so motivated, so focused, and so inspired, we know the answer in such a way that the question never becomes an issue. In fact, we forget what the question is. 

Find your reason, and remember it often. Keep it in front of your eyes. Let it put the pep in your step, the wind in your sails. And should a moment of doubt ever threaten to creep into your mind again, just pull this weapon out of your arsenal and obliterate all traces of uncertainty, as well as the fear which tries to sneak up on you in disguise.

You're a champion, never forget it.  Press on, keep going, stay focused, and in due time, the prize you seek will be yours.

That's all for now, gotta run.  Be blessed, not stressed. And until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple...  See ya!

Complexity Repels, Simplicity Attracts, Part II

"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled (ranked below others who are honored or rewarded), and he who humbles himself (keeps a modest opinion of himself and behaves accordingly) will be exalted (elevated in rank)." - Luke 14:11 AMP

I mentioned in Part I that people do business with those they know, like and trust. I also said that when you invite people to join your business, they wonder if they can really do what you are showing them. You may remember how I spoke of my experience years ago when I was introduced to Toastmasters International, how I felt when I attended my first meeting as a guest wondering if I'd be able to do what I saw all these people doing, standing up at the podium and giving a calm, effective talk with relaxed poise. I'll never forget how the other members put my mind at ease. They showed me that if I kept things as simple as possible I could excel at public speaking while learning to lead and communicate with confidence.

You may also remember this video I shared from Part I:

"Do what I do...and say what I say...and make me proud," said Bill Murray as he encouraged his fellow soldiers during practice as they prepared for promotion exercises which signaled graduation from basic training. 

I see a common theme in the scene with Bill Murray, my years with Toastmasters, and with people who are invited to presentations for the purpose of getting involved with a business: each time someone is wondering to themselves:  Is this something I can really do?

This is the question that a prospect or invited guest really wants to answer. Even if they are interested, they will say NO if they believe there's no way they can learn to do what you are sharing with them. So the responsibility for answering the unspoken question that rolls around in their minds does not fall to them, but to YOU. But it isn't just what you tell them that answers their question, it's how you tell them that makes the difference. 

When introduced to something new, a person's natural tendency is to worry that they won't be able to do what they see; it's too hard to do, too hard to learn, impossible to master. Even if this isn't really true, it's their perception and that's all that matters in their minds. Overcome their objections and show them that what they see is not as impossible to achieve as they might believe it is. As I learned in Toastmasters, the best way to address this situation is to show your "newbie" how to take simple steps at the beginning that help them build momentum, along with their confidence. You don't give a thirsty child a drink of water from a fire hose at full blast, and you don't give your prospect or new member more than they can handle at the very beginning. Keep things simple:

"But the wisdom from above is first of all pure (undefiled); then it is peace-loving, courteous (considerate, gentle). [It is willing to] yield to reason, full of compassion and good fruits; it is wholehearted and straightforward, impartial and unfeigned (free from doubts, wavering and insincerity)..." - James 3:17 AMP 

Let your people know that you are there to help them, not the other way around. Don't over complicate things, and don't reinvent the wheel. You will drive people away if they feel overwhelmed or threatened. Simplicity is king, not complexity...and if you really want to reach people where they live, remember these words:

PRIDE: a feeling that you are more important or better than other people; inordinate self-esteem: CONCEIT (too much pride in your own worth or goodness)

HUMILITY: the quality or state that you are not better than other people: the quality or state of being humble (reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission)

Let them know you are there to help them, that your interest is in them, not in you. People are drawn to humility and sincerity long before they are impressed by knowledge. Knowledge puffs up with pride and inflates your ego if you're not careful. Build people up with a servant's heart, a spirit of humility. Serve them, give them confidence in themselves and their abilities, let them know their dreams are not only possible but reachable. And as you do so, you will be astounded by what you will be able to accomplish in their lives...and in yours.

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya!

Complexity Repels, Simplicity Attracts

"Be not forward (self-assertive and boastfully ambitious) in the presence of the king, and stand not in the place of great men: For better it is that it should be said to you, Come up here, than that you should be put lower in the presence of the prince, whose eyes have seen you." - Proverbs 25: 6,7 AMP

It is said that people do business with those they know, like and trust. It is also said that the best way to connect with people is to find a way to establish common ground with them. And the best way to do that, I believe, is to reassure them that you know what it's like to walk in their shoes, because you've been where they are and know how they feel, you know how to get from where they are now to where they'd rather be, and you're willing to help them get there.

I learned this lesson firsthand during my years in Toastmasters International, an organization dedicated to communication and leadership training. My first visit to a local club meeting answered some important questions that rattled my brain:

Can these people help me to become a good communicator and better leader? 
Can they show me how to have more self-confidence?
Do they really know how I feel right now?
Can they help me overcome my fears and doubts?

They put my mind at ease very quickly, because several of the members shared how they felt when they started out (some called it "overcoming the knocking knees") and I learned that no matter how successful they became from the training they received, they never forgot how it felt to be a scared little newbie. They took great care to encourage, reassure and congratulate guests and new members alike whenever a milestone was reached, no matter how small the achievement may have seemed. 

In business as in Toastmasters, this principle is no different. All the guests and newbies look around with wide eyes, awed, scared of what's going on, and when they see and hear all there is to see and hear, somewhere in the back of their minds they are thinking:

Can I really do this?
Do I really have to say all that I'm hearing them say? I don't know if I can do all that...

It is the leader's job to answer these questions while putting their minds at ease. A leader can successfully answer these questions if he knows the difference between two key words...

Words which I will reveal in the next installment of this article. Give heed to what you've read so far, and look for Part II soon. But if you just can't wait for what comes next, here's a hint:

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple...   See ya!

Your Desire Fuels Your Fire

"Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men." - Colossians 3:23 AMP

HEARTILY:
- in an enthusiastic and energetic way
- with zest or gusto 

"I don't like the subtle infiltration of 'something for nothing' philosophies into the very hearthstone of the American family. I believe that 'Thou shalt earn the bread by the sweat of thy face' was a benediction and not a penalty. Work is the zest of life; there is joy in its pursuit." - Branch Rickey

Athletes...

Musicians...

Actors and actresses...

What do they all have in common?

Some would view what they do as a frivolous activity which wastes time, a useless diversion that is done by someone who couldn't get a "real" job. The truth says otherwise. Each group provides a lesson in what it takes to achieve success if we pay attention to what they show us. Sadly, most people fail to notice.

To be successful you must have...

PASSION: a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something

PURPOSE: the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something

CONVICTION: a strong belief or opinion; the feeling of being sure that what you believe or say is true

All three combined create a most powerful force called...

ENERGY: the ability to be active: physical or mental strength that allows you to do things; natural enthusiasm and effort; vigorous exertion of power

This energy draws people to what you do, makes them want to know more about you, causes them to stick around.  Energy like this is not only attractive, it is contagious, some would even call it infectious. If I'm not mistaken, it is described these days as "going viral," and while most viruses are said to be detrimental, medically speaking, this is the type of virus you would want to catch, and definitely like to spread.  "The more, the merrier," is true in this case.

So the next time you see your favorite "baller," hear your favorite "crooner," (whether of voice or instrument), or watch your favorite actor or actress on the small or the silver screen, a word to the wise would be to learn the lesson they're teaching: throw your whole self into whatever you do with all your might; hold nothing back. Kindle the passion, the purpose, the conviction required to create energy that glows from within you bright enough to draw people to your side from miles around. 

"This is the true joy in life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being recognized as a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy... 

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live... 

Life is no 'brief candle' to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before passing it on to future generations."
- George Bernard Shaw  


In whatever you do, let your desire fuel your fire you to stoke a roaring blaze, lighting the path which leads to the success you seek. And don't worry about whether anyone will notice. The right people will come to watch you burn.

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya!

Success Makes No Sense

"This book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success." - Joshua 1:8 AMP

Just a few thoughts about success...

Sometimes to be successful you need to do things that the average person is fully capable of doing, yet not willing.  Success has nothing to do with popularity.

Mediocre people think you are foolish, maybe even stupid for doing things that regular people don't do. They can't understand what you do, or why you do it. But that's okay, they don't have to understand. 

It is said that obsessed is a word used by lazy folks who want to criticize, belittle, humiliate, or put to shame the diligent ones who do whatever it takes to achieve success.  They're the "it don't take all that" crowd, the ones who believe success comes by accident or entitlement, who believe excellence takes too much effort, wastes too much time.  They want to reap a harvest they didn't plant from seeds they didn't sow.  They have no understanding of investment, whether time talent or treasure and no clue that it's possible to expect a reward on an honest effort to the best of one's ability.  

They believe success is just given to people by people who "like" them, who favor them, sort of like a teacher's pet.  Well, in a sense they're right: people who recognize effort...reward effort. But the ones who don't want to make an effort just don't get it. To them, it's much easier to criticize others because they don't know what others are doing, or where the results of their work may lead.

But none of that matters, because they are not the ones to judge what you do.  Your peace of mind and your heart's contentment does not rest with them but with you. If you know that what you're doing is right, just, valuable, and serves a worthwhile purpose, the words of critics who fail to understand your motives mean nothing at all. Seeing how their two cents isn't really worth two cents, their words unheeded will die in their throats.

So do what you know is right, even if others don't understand, even if you feel a little foolish, you're not all that sure of what you're doing, or you can't make enough sense of what you do to explain it to someone else.

Don't be ashamed, don't be embarrassed. To those who embrace failure as a way of life, success and what one must do to achieve it, will never make sense. The critic never counts, the ones in your life who truly matter don't mind what you do, so...

"Do it anyway...because in the end, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway." - Mother Teresa

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple....  See ya!

Your Greatest Value

"Let not yours be the merely [external] adorning with elaborate interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God." 
- I Peter 3: 3,4 AMP

VALUE: relative worth, usefulness, or importance

There's a very popular saying making the rounds these days when it comes to being successful in the everyday world. Chances are you've heard it, or even said it yourself:

DRESS FOR SUCCESS

Simply put, we are told that the best way to be successful is to look successful. We need to put on our best suit, look sharp, look clean, look like we have it all together, from the way we dress to the car we drive, the house we live in, to our neighbors, our jobs, our kids, careers, everything has to be a spotless veneer, polished, flawless, not a hair out of place, as some said back in the day. 

Now there's nothing wrong with looking good or putting your best foot forward because you don't get a second chance to make a first impression.  It's important to have a great opening act, as some in the world of the stage might say. But once the opening act is over, what do you do for an encore? What about Act 2? Scene 2? What will people see when they look past your exterior?  Any new car can look good on the showroom floor, but what happens when it's time to look under the hood or take it out on the road? Here's what I mean:

Think of the parties you've gone to in your life: a birthday party, a bridal shower, a wedding, a baby shower, just to name a few. All these parties have one thing in common: somebody received gifts. And usually those gifts are wrapped with wrapping paper, bows, tags, ribbons, gift bags, tissue paper, you name it, anything goes when it comes to making the gift look as nice as possible when it is given to the intended recipient. But when it's time for those gifts to be opened, what happens to all that wrapping paper?  That's right, it gets torn up and discarded so the receiver can see the gift inside. And while everybody "oooh's" and "aaah's" over the gift, it's off to the trash for all that wrapping paper, along with the ribbons and bows. Once the gift is revealed, all the wrappings don't mean very much anymore. The value they once had just isn't there, which reminds me of this:

You see, you can look good, smell good, even talk good (forgive my grammar if it's bad), but that will only get you in the door. Your outward appearance is merely your gift wrapping. As nice as it is, and as good as you look, eventually people will want to know you better, and the only way they can do that is to break the seal, tear off the wrapping, and see the gift you hold inside. All the pretty wrapping paper in the world cannot compare to the true value of a man or woman that the world is waiting to see and appreciate. It's not the clothes that make the man (or woman), it's the man or woman who "make" the clothes, so to speak. They are the ones who give form and substance to everything they do. The value is not the wrapping but the gift inside. 

If you try to get by with eloquent speech, pretending to be someone you are not, sooner or later you will drop your guard and the real you is going to be exposed, whether you like it or not. That is not to say that you'll never make mistakes; nobody's perfect, and we all stumble and fall at some point in our lives. If you haven't done so yet, just wait, your turn is coming. What you want to do instead is let people see you as you truly are, and let them know that despite your best efforts sometimes you miss the mark. It's okay, people don't relate to people who think they're flawless; they relate best to people who have the courage to acknowledge their shortcomings because we all have them. People want to find common ground, and gravitate best to those who have the courage to seek common ground with them.

So, long story short, the greatest value you can offer to the people in your life, not your suit or dress, your house or car, your status, position, or even any adornments you may wear on your body, as impressive as your clothing and jewelry may be.  No, the greatest value you can share with others is your very being, the real you, the genuine article. If you can do that, chances are best that you will be seen and appreciated for who you are, and you'll never have to fear someone finding out you were pretending to be someone you were never meant to be.

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not be false then to any man." - William Shakespeare

"If you tell the truth you'll never have to remember what you said." - Unknown

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple....  See ya!

  

The Best Gift Is Your Presence

PRESENCE:
- the fact of being in a particular place
- the area that is close to someone
- the fact or condition of being available to be used or considered

"Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious [right] hand of rightness and justice. For I, the Lord God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, Who says to you, Fear not; I will help you." 
- Isaiah 41:10,13 AMP

I remember a time several years ago when a friend's mother passed away. I was home from college for summer break and went to see him, just to see how he and his family were coping with their loss. I had meant to express my condolences, but as the evening wore on we sat in the living room for a few minutes, talking about nothing in particular. I couldn't think of anything to say; to be honest, I didn't think anything I could say or do would help very much.  His family was grieving because their loved one was gone. How could I ever hope to make a difference? I thought.

But as I got up to leave, he shook my hand and thanked me for coming by. It was then that I realized I had done something for him. He didn't need me to say anything. I didn't need to do anything for him either. All he needed was for me to be present to let him know he had my support during a most difficult time in his life. All I had to do for him was show up, be there for a few minutes so he could unburden his heart any way he needed to, and let him know I had his back.  That's all that was necessary, and he let me know he appreciated me for doing so.

Now we may not know anyone who is going through such a tough time emotionally, as the loss of a loved one, but there are still many of us who know people in our lives who have needs, and we overextend ourselves in an effort to provide for them what we think they need, only to later discover that they don't need nearly as much from us as we think they do. If you're a parent you can relate to what I'm saying. Sometimes we parents tie ourselves up in knots, stressing out over what we think our children need, bending over backward to make sure they have everything we can possibly provide for them.  And then we find out, much to our surprise, they didn't want or need nearly as much as we thought they did. We get hung up on presents when all our children want is our PRESENCE. In my experience, when my children were babies, more often than not they would get upset if I left them in a room by themselves (like bedtime for instance) because they wanted was to know that I was around. If I was in the room with them and they were secure in the knowledge that I was there, they had no problem falling asleep, and staying asleep. 

It's true with any relationship you have, business or personal: we all relate best to people they can count on to be around, even if they're not physically present, safe in the knowledge that their presence is a factor. More than anything, people don't want to know if you are able, they want to know if you are AVAILABLE.  They want to know that whatever they do, wherever they go, they are not alone. As the saying goes, "no man is an island," and it is true in any area of life. 

People want to know that whenever they need leadership and guidance, they can find it. Yes, it is true that like baby eagles one day they will need to leave the nest, but they want to know there is someone who is willing to show them how to spread their wings, to set an example they can follow so they'll be ready to soar when their time comes.  As children learning to ride our bicycles we had tricycles, then training wheels, and then we were able to take the training wheels off and ride our bikes, fully capable of keeping our balance all by ourselves. That type of guidance isn't always needed, but it's good to know it's there.

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel like you're all alone." - Robin Williams 

Never take for granted the power you have to influence someone's life for good. You can make a positive impact in the lives of every person whose path you cross. A kind word in their hearts can do more for their lives than a full tank of gas can do for your car. 

"I can live for two months on a good compliment." - Mark Twain

"A life is not important, except in the impact it has on other lives." - Jackie Robinson

When all is said and done, it is not any gift or talent you possess that will impress the people in your life. It is your presence that will mean the most to them, and your presence alone which will make the biggest impact.

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

Don't just be present in their lives, be a presence. Make an impact, make a difference. And when you do, people will remember you with gratitude because this is how you made them feel:

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple....  See ya!

What Is Your Heart Like?

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a peck measure, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. Let your light so shine before men that they may see your moral excellence and your praiseworthy, noble and good deeds and recognize and honor and praise and glorify your Father Who is in heaven." - Matthew 5:14-16 AMP

STINGY: 
- not generous: sparing or scant in using, giving, or spending
- meanly scanty or small

GENEROUS:
- characterized by a noble or kindly spirit
- showing kindness and concern for others

I've heard it said that the reason many people suffer in relationships because they fail to communicate. I respectfully disagree. The way I see it, there's plenty of communication going on these days. Just look at the explosion of social media, all the different outlets where people can voice their opinions, make themselves heard. While it is true these tools have great potential for getting a message across, they can also be a two-edged sword, a help, and a hindrance, a blessing, and a curse. 

Why do I say this? Because it seems like everybody these days wants to get attention, put in their two cents, bask in the glow of their fifteen minutes of fame, but very few people want to give attention, much less pay attention to anyone else. Like I told my kids when they were little, God gave them two ears and only one mouth, for one very specific reason, because it's more important to hear than to be heard, to listen than to be listened to.

As I said before, there is plenty of communication going on, but there's something missing. People cannot find any common ground, because, for all their talk, they don't do one very important thing:

CONNECT:
- to become joined
- to have or establish a friendly relationship marked by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity 
- to place or establish in relationship

Face it, folks, communication is overrated if building a connection is not part of the game plan. People are willing to connect with people they know they can relate to, people that can relate to them, right where they are, because they know what it's like to walk in one another's shoes. All your eloquent speech is a waste of breath if you cannot get people to join their heart with yours. They want to know you're genuine, that there are no hidden agendas, no ulterior motives. If they can't find common ground with you, or if they feel in any way like you're playing some sort of "bait and switch" game with their emotions, you can forget about establishing any kind of meaningful relationship with them. 

That is why I started this article with the definitions of stingy and generous. You must decide whether or not you're willing to share your heart with others, because your heart is the real you. People want to connect from one heart to another. If they perceive that you are reaching out to them with your heart, they will gladly reach out to you with theirs. You cannot pull the wool over people's eyes for very long; they'll see right through your ruse. Maybe you can obscure their vision for a time, but the true motives of your heart will be revealed, for better or worse.

"For there is nothing hidden that shall not be disclosed, nor anything secret that shall not be known and come out into the open." - Luke 8:17 AMP

This is true whether you're building a relationship, building a family, even building a business. You will connect best with those who know your heart is big, you have a kind, generous spirit, and you are willing to give from your heart and receive with your heart as well. Whatever you send out, comes right back to you. 

So turn on your heartlight, and let others know what your heart is like. Be generous, not stingy with your light everywhere you go, and you will connect with people who appreciate your glow.

"The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller.  The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped." - Proverbs 11: 24-25 MSG

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...  See ya!

Walk In Their Shoes, and Let Them Walk In Yours

"You can have everything in life you want if you just help other people get what they want." - Zig Ziglar

WANT: something that is desired
NEED: necessary duty; something one is bound to do 

My children taught me some very interesting lessons when they were little. I found out I never had trouble getting them to do what I asked them to do, as long as I talked with them about what they wanted first. Once I did that, getting their cooperation was much easier. I found out they wanted to do something fun, so I told them all they had to do to get what they wanted was take care of their responsibilities first, whether it was yard work, their schoolwork, housework, or anything else they needed to do.  Instead of treating their duties like chores, I made a game of it, knowing how much my kids like competition. I told them the winner could get to choose what kind of fun they wanted to have: video games, movies, mini golf, bowling, bookstore, a trip to the mall, or anything else we could think of that was fun for them (and for me too, I admit it). Now I'm not saying they did everything they were supposed to do in a flash (they were little kids, after all...telling them to hurry through a task and not make any mistakes is unrealistic) but they did what they were asked to do with enthusiasm, knowing there was an incentive waiting for them, something that interested them. With a reward in front of them, doing the needed work wasn't such a big deal.

Dealing with my children reminds me of many business opportunity meetings I attended in the past. Each presentation I saw had one thing in common: speakers shared with the audience some goal or dream they wanted to achieve in their lives: getting out of debt, spending more with their families, having extra money to save or invest, or improving their lifestyle. They told their story, how they were stuck in a rut, doing what they needed to do, having all kinds of pressure on their shoulders, feeling trapped, desperately seeking a way out, when they learned about an opportunity that changed their lives. That is what I wanted to know, that someone else went through the same thing I was experiencing, found a way out of their trouble, and was willing to help find my way out, too. 

Needs were never mentioned; people already know what they need; it's what they want that's most important to them: they want more money, and they want more time. Every day they wear themselves out, working jobs they don't like, chasing money in the hope that they can get enough of it to meet their needs and satisfy their wants, only to fail, over and over again. There's just too much month at the end of their money. Every month. They understood people are tired of running on treadmills; they don't want more of the same. People are tired of the endless cycle of frustration. They want something different in their lives.  They want a change. 

That's why they spoke about dreams and goals. They talked about the possibility of helping others find ways to achieve their dreams and goals. They also realize that what Zig Ziglar said is true, that people really don't care what you know until they know that you care. They want to know that you can relate to them, that you know what it's like to walk in their shoes, and that you care enough to show them how to flip the script on their lives for the better. 

So if your goal is to connect with people, I suggest you let them know from the start that you know how they feel because you've stood where they now stand. Tell them your story, tell them how you walked a few miles in their shoes, that you know what it feels like to have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Tell them how you what you did to change your life, and show them you can help them change theirs. Ask them about their goals and dreams. They may need to dust their dreams off so they can remember what it feels like to dream, so offer them a dust rag and some polish, if you have to.

Show them you remember what it was like to walk in their shoes. If you can do that, and you let them know you can help them make the changes they want to make in their lives, it's more than likely they'll be willing to learn what it's like to walk in yours. 

"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves." - James M. Barrie

"There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up." - John Andrew Holmes

"Don't look to become a person of success, look instead to become a person of value." - Albert Einstein

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...  See ya!

The Paradox of Success

PARADOX:
- a principle contrary to received opinion
- a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true

I remember two important times in my life when I learned to do something for the first time: ride a bike, and give a speech. I say both are important because I learned a very important lesson from both experiences. Let me explain.

When I got on the bike I was unsteady and unsure, but also excited. I fell the first few times but I gained confidence because with each try I kept my balance a little bit longer without falling, until I finally was able to ride up and down the block on my own. At first, I was scared, but when I saw I could ride and keep my balance I felt free as a bird. I was on top of the world and I felt like nothing could stop me. Mission accomplished. 

When I gave my first speech you probably thought I was excited, right? Uh...no. I wasn't excited at all, I was scared stupid, second-guessing just what I was doing, and kicking my own butt for taking the plunge when I felt so unsure of myself. I remember how I felt when I went out to the front of the room to speak. I wasn't nervous, I was petrified with fear. My heart was pounding, my palms sweaty, my voice trembling, my knees knocked. I stammered and struggled the entire time (I didn't think those five minutes would ever end!) and when I finished, I was applauded; people told me I did a great job. They congratulated me for a successful speech. (I thought, Huh? What are you talking about?) I thought they confused me with someone else. I felt like a failure and here they were patting me on the back. Something didn't add up.

In both cases I succeeded, but here's the funny thing: learning to ride a bike wasn't nearly as big a struggle as learning to speak in public. Riding a bike was a piece of cake compared to giving a speech. I couldn't understand why. After giving it some thought, I realized that my expectations were different. Nobody judged me if I couldn't ride a bike; it was just something I learned to do through trial and error. But when I stood in front of a podium I thought I was "supposed" to have it all figured out in advance. My level of expectation was different, which is why I thought I "should" have known enough about giving a speech to keep myself from not being in control of the situation. I was way too hard on myself.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I had forgotten what it was like to be truly successful. I thought I had to look successful. I thought I had to have everything already figured out. I thought I had to do things right the first time, every time, all the time. I thought I could never make a mistake, that I couldn't afford to fail. I thought I could never admit a setback for fear of looking foolish.  

As it turned out, I had it all backward. I forgot what it was like to enjoy success like I did when I learned to ride my first bike. Success has nothing to do with looking as if you've already arrived. Success is about trying, falling down, getting back up, and trying again until you get it right. It is a journey of constant improvement, not a single place on the map of your life where you can say you've arrived. 

Success is not about how you look on the outside, it's about letting the true you come out.  Success means developing your gifts and talents in those moments when you're unsure of yourself, when you're unsteady, not in command, when you don't know if you'll stand or fall, or whether you'll walk on stage to an ovation or be greeted by the chirping silence of crickets:

So you stumble and fall...so what? Don't be so hard on yourself. Everybody who is able to walk today has experienced the same thing. They learned to "SUCK" before they learned to SUCCEED. Everyone who enjoys success knows you must start by failing forward. You crawl before you walk, and walk before you run. It's the paradox of success: as we fall down, we learn to get up...and as we learn how to fall, we gain the confidence to stand tall.

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple....  See ya!

What's Taking You So Long? Part II

"He who observes the wind [and waits for all conditions to be favorable] will not sow, and he who regards the clouds shall not reap." - Ecclesiastes 11:4 AMP

Hi again...

Last time I mentioned that everybody procrastinates, some more than others. Even the most successful people procrastinate a little bit along the way to their success; nobody is perfect. To stall, or not to stall, that it is the question; let's find some answers. I discussed two reasons last time, laziness and lack of interest. Those are the most common explanations, but I believe another reason hits closer to home. It's really two sides of the same coin: 

"We are so scared of being judged that we look for every excuse to procrastinate." - Erica Jong

On one side of the coin, people procrastinate because they fear being judged. They're afraid their efforts won't be supported or understood by those who matter most in their lives. The sting of such criticism can be painful, and they dread the prospect of failure, which can be humiliating if it comes to pass. When the people you care about provide the strongest opposition, your resolve can be severely tested. This can be a tough hurdle to overcome, which explains why many people procrastinate. They want to avoid as much criticism as possible, so they play it safe. 

On the other side of the coin, people procrastinate because of a false idea of what it takes to be successful. They believe that to succeed you can never make a mistake, never stumble, never lose or experience a setback. They also believe that only a flawless opportunity must be handed to them before they take advantage of it. Nothing less will do.

If you assume either of these notions about success are true, it's time for a reality check. Regarding the first side of the coin, no one receives a pre-packaged, ready to eat, "just add water", instant coffee style opportunity right out of the box. Some assembly is required. People who enjoy true success know the real deal: there is no such thing as a perfect opportunity, you take the ones you are given and make them work for you in a way that suits you best. 

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas A. Edison

"Don't miss your opportunity waiting for the right connection, the perfect time or a windfall of money to show up. Move forward and work diligently with what you have and increase will follow."         - Shanshera Quinn  (www.quinnscopy.com)

As for the second side of the coin, if you believe people succeed because they didn't have to struggle, never had any problems or difficulties, or that they skated to success on Easy Street, you are only kidding yourself. Read the stories of people who achieved success in their lives, and you will see examples of people who triumphed over circumstances more difficult than you could ever imagine, whether or not they were of their own making. 

"You show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I'll show you someone who has overcome some form of adversity." - Lou Holtz

Having said all this, I don't have any canned formula to help you kick the procrastination habit. But I do want to you to understand some things which may help you find the solution which works best for you:

1. You don't have to be perfect to be successful
2. Failure and adversity are not roadblocks to your success, they are stepping stones, part of the price you pay to reach your desired objective(s).
3. People who don't understand what you're doing will be critical, including those who are closest to you. But that's okay, they don't have to stop you from doing what you know in your heart is right, and the most important thing you need to remember is...
4. You don't have to prove anything to anybody but yourself. Don't let anybody who is not willing to travel your destined path judge the steps you take.

So stop procrastinating. Do what you know you do best...and stop worrying about what others think. Their opinion of you and what you do is none of your business, and when the dust settles at the end of the day, they're not the ones you answer to:

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. 
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway." - Mother Teresa

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya!