What's Taking You So Long? Part II

"He who observes the wind [and waits for all conditions to be favorable] will not sow, and he who regards the clouds shall not reap." - Ecclesiastes 11:4 AMP

Hi again...

Last time I mentioned that everybody procrastinates, some more than others. Even the most successful people procrastinate a little bit along the way to their success; nobody is perfect. To stall, or not to stall, that it is the question; let's find some answers. I discussed two reasons last time, laziness and lack of interest. Those are the most common explanations, but I believe another reason hits closer to home. It's really two sides of the same coin: 

"We are so scared of being judged that we look for every excuse to procrastinate." - Erica Jong

On one side of the coin, people procrastinate because they fear being judged. They're afraid their efforts won't be supported or understood by those who matter most in their lives. The sting of such criticism can be painful, and they dread the prospect of failure, which can be humiliating if it comes to pass. When the people you care about provide the strongest opposition, your resolve can be severely tested. This can be a tough hurdle to overcome, which explains why many people procrastinate. They want to avoid as much criticism as possible, so they play it safe. 

On the other side of the coin, people procrastinate because of a false idea of what it takes to be successful. They believe that to succeed you can never make a mistake, never stumble, never lose or experience a setback. They also believe that only a flawless opportunity must be handed to them before they take advantage of it. Nothing less will do.

If you assume either of these notions about success are true, it's time for a reality check. Regarding the first side of the coin, no one receives a pre-packaged, ready to eat, "just add water", instant coffee style opportunity right out of the box. Some assembly is required. People who enjoy true success know the real deal: there is no such thing as a perfect opportunity, you take the ones you are given and make them work for you in a way that suits you best. 

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas A. Edison

"Don't miss your opportunity waiting for the right connection, the perfect time or a windfall of money to show up. Move forward and work diligently with what you have and increase will follow."         - Shanshera Quinn  (www.quinnscopy.com)

As for the second side of the coin, if you believe people succeed because they didn't have to struggle, never had any problems or difficulties, or that they skated to success on Easy Street, you are only kidding yourself. Read the stories of people who achieved success in their lives, and you will see examples of people who triumphed over circumstances more difficult than you could ever imagine, whether or not they were of their own making. 

"You show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I'll show you someone who has overcome some form of adversity." - Lou Holtz

Having said all this, I don't have any canned formula to help you kick the procrastination habit. But I do want to you to understand some things which may help you find the solution which works best for you:

1. You don't have to be perfect to be successful
2. Failure and adversity are not roadblocks to your success, they are stepping stones, part of the price you pay to reach your desired objective(s).
3. People who don't understand what you're doing will be critical, including those who are closest to you. But that's okay, they don't have to stop you from doing what you know in your heart is right, and the most important thing you need to remember is...
4. You don't have to prove anything to anybody but yourself. Don't let anybody who is not willing to travel your destined path judge the steps you take.

So stop procrastinating. Do what you know you do best...and stop worrying about what others think. Their opinion of you and what you do is none of your business, and when the dust settles at the end of the day, they're not the ones you answer to:

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. 
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway." - Mother Teresa

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya!

   

          

What's Taking You So Long? Part I

PROCRASTINATE:
- to be slow or late about doing something that should be done
- to delay doing something until a later time because you don't         want to do it, because you are lazy, etc.
- to put off intentionally and habitually
- to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be         done 

"He who observes the wind [and waits for all conditions to be favorable] will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap." - Ecclesiastes 11:4 AMP

"Procrastination is my sin. It brings me naught but sorrow. I know that I should stop it. In fact I will--tomorrow." - Gloria Pitzer

Did you ever heard the old joke about a club called Procrastinators Anonymous? It seems the club had to fold because the members never got together; the meetings kept getting put off. (HA HA goes there...smile)

Seriously, though it is an old, tired (and admittedly BAD) joke, it does address a valid point. People with the best intentions are most often the worst procrastinators. They constantly put things off for seemingly legitimate reasons: they're waiting for a more convenient time, or the right time, a better time, the best time, a better break, the "perfect" opportunity, etc. You may have noticed something all these so called reasons have in common. Every time someone makes an excuse to procrastinate, what they're really saying is:

"I'm waiting for the perfect opportunity to present itself. When that opportunity arrives I'll take advantage of it."

Now that sounds really good, and it seems to make sense, but here's the thing:  How will you recognize this "perfect" opportunity once it arrives? Short answer...YOU WON'T. Why not? Two reasons. First, nobody is perfect (not even you), and second, there's no such thing as a perfect opportunity. People seize opportunity wherever it can be found and create a way to make it work that suits them best. 

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." - Milton Berle

Point blank, everybody procrastinates. I do it, and so do you, just to varying degrees. Many of us resist opportunities we say we want, turning them down as they seemingly are handed to us on a silver platter, because they don't arrive the way we think they "should."

We know we shouldn't procrastinate, but we do it anyway...why? There are obvious reasons, of course: we really don't want to do what needs to be done, so we put it off; we're too lazy to get up and do what needs to be done, so we talk someone into doing it for us, believing it would be "easier" if we let them do it...but there's yet another reason we put things off, a reason seldom acknowledged, much less discussed...one reason that goes straight to the heart...

A reason I will reveal in Part II.  I gotta run, because there's a matter I need to attend to that I've been putting off for a while (no pun intended).

Talk with you again soon, 
Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel:

And until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple... See ya!

As Much As THEY Can Handle, Part II

Hi again... remember this..?

Last time I talked about why people who join your business might drop out because of information overload. My take on the situation was that newbies in business are not much different than newborn babies, in that they can be easily overwhelmed if you try to feed them too much too soon. There are exceptions, of course, but in most cases you shouldn't expected your new people to handle too much knowledge so quickly. Nobody can drink water from a fire hydrant at full blast. You wouldn't expect a baby to take its first steps by age one, then celebrate its second birthday by running the New York City Marathon, would you? I should hope not. 

With that said, I said I'd tell you what you can do instead to keep from blowing them out of water, quitting the team before they got a chance to learn how well they could play the game. The answer comes in two words:

BABY STEPS...

That's right, baby steps. Not to insult anyone's intelligence, but think about it. People cannot start where you think they should be, they can only start where they are. It's just as important to keep them on solid footing as it is to get them off to a good start. Don't be in such a rush to get them going. They aren't cars, they can't go zero to 60 in less than 30 seconds, that's unrealistic, for them and for you. 

It is critical that you help them build confidence. It isn't enough for them to know that you believe they can succeed; they must know it for themselves. Give them something simple to do, something they can handle at their pace...NOT YOURS. Let them create their own momentum. They're more likely to stick around when they feel as if they have a say in their progress. They had their own reasons to join you, they need their own reasons to stay with you. Help them to become sure of themselves. Cheer them on at every turn, and applaud their progress at every milestone they reach. When they're ready to pick up the pace, you won't have to ask, they'll let you know. 

We all travel at different speeds, some move faster than you, others slower. They are not a carbon copy of you, don't try to convince them otherwise. See them for what they are, not for what you are, or what you think they should be. If you give them too much, too soon, they'll throw up their hands and say, Forget it! This is just too much to handle. Nothing is worth all this!  Make sure not to talk about your goals, but talk about theirs. They didn't join you to help you achieve your goals; they're interested in theirs. Most people already find themselves in an environment where they work to achieve somebody else's dreams. They don't want or need a second one from you. I'm not saying you shouldn't challenge them from time to time, just make sure you know they're ready before you throw down the gauntlet. Too much to handle too soon can backfire. 

Baseball Hall of Famer Tom Seaver talks often about the influence his first manager Gil Hodges had on his career and the lessons in professionalism he learned as well as the commitment required to become a winning pitcher on a championship team. When asked if he ever passed on Gil's teachings to future teammates as his career progressed, Tom was careful to point out that he did share Gil's wisdom to fellow players, but only if he knew they were ready, because not everyone could handle that level of knowledge.  Tom is also quick to point out that building solid relationships along the way is key.  Without strong relationships, including a solid support system in place, he never would have been able to achieve so many great moments in his career.

It is important to remember, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care," (Zig Ziglar), but it is equally important that people know you care about THEM. If they know you have their best interests at heart, they'll do whatever you ask them to do. They'll even run through a brick wall for you (so to speak), if they know you've got their back. Just be sure they know you are willing to help them get wherever they want to go, and they'll be glad to follow your lead. 

So don't be discouraged if you wanted a team of hares and found you're leading tortoises instead. According to the story, the tortoise, though slow as molasses (so it seemed), won the race. In the end, the winning means more than the beginning.

"Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success." - Henry Ford

"Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean." - Ryunosuke Satoro

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:
Keep it simple...See ya!

As Much As THEY Can Handle, Part I

"...as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby..." - I Peter 2:2 NKJV

If you've ever raised children I'm sure you've learned a quick lesson starting from Day One. When it comes to feeding little ones, there are few foods they can eat. Food that appears dull, bland, tasteless to grown ups is ideal for a babies; it's just right. You wouldn't feed steak, chicken, hot dogs, pork chops, fish, bread, rice, potatoes, or any other food you would normally eat to a baby at such an early age (fruit, vegetables, nuts, seeds, whatever) for a very obvious reason: their system can't handle that type of food yet; it isn't developed enough, not strong enough to digest anything like that. They would be overwhelmed. Babies need pre-digested, already broken down food in its simplest form so their newly developing system can handle the process of converting that food to useful energy, allowing them to grow strong enough to eat food that their bodies can handle more easily as they get older.

Nobody questions this logic when it comes to raising little ones. We all know there is very little they can do at that stage, they're just not ready. They have to be brought along slowly, gently, with tender loving care until they reach the point where they can handle bigger challenges. You don't give a youngster something you can handle, you have to give them something they can deal with.  Makes perfect sense, right?

Now what I'm about to say may be a stretch, but stay with me, I'm going somewhere with this. We know a baby can't eat what we eat, because it is not ready to handle that type of food. So why is it that when we welcome a new person into our business, a "newborn," so to speak, we expect them to handle all manner of advanced concepts, mindsets, relationship approaches, and mentalities right off the bat, as fast as we can throw it at them, many of which they've never seen or heard before in their entire lives? It's the equivalent of pouring someone a drink of water with a fire hose, or worse, lighting their cigarette with a blow torch. 

Is it any wonder that they get stuck? Frozen with fear? It's a lot to take in at one time, and just like babies with "grown up" food, business newbies can be overwhelmed by a severe case of information overload, aka "paralysis by analysis." There's so much coming at them at one time, they don't know which way is up.  Point blank, it makes no sense to expect someone with no experience at all to handle something they clearly aren't ready for. Someone with absolutely no business experience of any kind is not going to take the ball and run with it the very first time it is handed to them.  Chances are better that they'll run away from you as fast as their legs can carry them, you'll watch them leave, wondering what went wrong, and scratch your head in amazement when they do all they can in the future to avoid you like the plague.

May I suggest something to you?

Before you blame your would be prospects for deserting you, ducking out on you, not having a spine, guts, courage, "backbone," or whatever you want to call it, before you call them "stupid" for not seeing your opportunity the same way you see it, and before you call them every name under the sun "...but a child of God," as some folks said back in the day, take your eyes off of them and instead take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself:

Am I responsible for what went wrong?
Did I cause them to reject me, and my business?
Did I say or do something to turn them off?
Did I try to give them too much information, too soon?
Could I have handled things differently?

Chances are, if you are chasing more people away from you (and your business) than you are attracting, the answer to all of these questions is an unmistakable YES. Hands down...no ifs, and's or buts.

So what do you do?

I'll give you the answer next time...

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple...   See ya!

When You Feel Like You're Going Nowhere, You're Getting Somewhere

There's a stretch of Interstate 85 that runs from the North Carolina State Line to just north of the Salisbury area which I consider a challenging road to travel. It is tough for me to navigate because it seems endless, nothing but trees as far as the eye can see, very few road signs or distinguishable landmarks on either side of the road, and everywhere you look there is nothing but trees...and every tree looks exactly the same. Whether you look at the road ahead or the road behind, everything looks the same.

I find that stretch of road frustrating because whenever I'm on it I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, not making any progress. I feel like I'm running on a treadmill, and don't know whether I'm coming or going. The feeling of aimlessly spinning your wheels can be as discouraging as it is frustrating because you feel as though you're wasting a lot of energy with nothing to show for it.

But despite the feeling of helplessness I experience whenever I find myself on that road, reality tells a different story. Why do I say that? Because the truth of the matter is this: no matter how lost and out of sorts I feel whenever I'm there, If I make steady progress toward my destination if I just keep going, even if I feel like I'm going nowhere fast, I get where I need to go. Every time. So I just stay the course, I don't turn to the right or to the left, I ignore all the trees ahead that look exactly like the ones I just passed, and just when it seemed like I'd never get off that road to nowhere, I would start to see to places that looked more familiar, more secure, more certain, and locations where I'd be able to gain my bearings and mark my progress.

I think of the bamboo tree in the Far East, the one which takes five years of consistent watering, cultivating, and fertilizing, every single day, before it finally grows to its full height (often as tall at 90 feet in the air) over a five-week span.  Its growth is magnificent, seemingly overnight, but it wouldn't happen at all if at any point in time the person doing the watering and fertilizing just gave up...stopped...quit. To see the growth of that plant one cannot be too concerned about the short term, you have to keep the same approach, day in and day out, to achieve the desired objective in the long run. As was often said back in the days of the Civil Rights Movement, you must "...keep your eyes on the prize..."

Long story short, whether you're traveling a long and winding road, cultivating a plant that takes a long time to grow, or building a relationship (business or personal), the end result must always be kept in mind. If you're in it for the quick fix, you'll throw up your hands and quit. If you see an end result that is greater than the temporarily inconvenient circumstances that assault your heart and mind at the moment, you can prevail. The key is to keep pressing, keep moving forward, keep on keepin' on...keep on truckin':

"Therefore then, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us." - Hebrews 12:1 AMP

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple...  See ya!

Silly Old Bear...NOT...!!!

"How sweet are Your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" Psalm 119:103 AMP

"Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh, Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff,
He's Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh, Willy, nilly, silly, old bear..."

When I was growing up I heard many different sayings, some more true than others. The one I remember best stood out the most because to me it made the most sense. It was this:

You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.

I don't know where I first heard it, or who actually said it, but I agree with it completely.  Think about it: honey is sweet, nourishing, attractive...you could even say honey is addictive; the more you eat, the more you want. I think bears must be onto something since they like it so much. To be honest, I don't know anyone who has tasted honey that doesn't enjoy it, doesn't want more of it, and doesn't like having it around.

By contrast, there is vinegar, seemingly the exact opposite. I'm sure vinegar has its purposes, as people like to cook with it or use it for other reasons, but let's be honest here. When most people think of vinegar a pleasant memory doesn't immediately come to mind. It's sour, the smell is strong, and the taste is not all that appetizing on its own. In fact, I don't know many people who look forward to sampling vinegar all by itself; it has to be part of a dish they've made, or a salad dressing, before it can be tolerated.

From the standpoint of personal relationships, it makes much more sense become more like honey and less like vinegar. Why? Look at it this way: there's this thing called aftertaste, the last memory of food on your tongue that you've eaten. Think of the aftertaste of honey...now think of the aftertaste of vinegar. I bet you could easily tell the difference just by using your imagination, couldn't you?

Well, the impression you leave with people you meet is like the aftertaste of your personality. Do you want to leave a sweet taste in their mouth, one they thoroughly enjoy and can't wait to try again, or a bad, sour taste in their mouth, one they can't get away from soon enough, and hope to avoid as often as humanly possible, to the best of their ability? Again, the answer is obvious, especially if you want to build a solid relationship with people, both personally and professionally.

So take a hint from the bears, especially Winnie the Pooh, who couldn't get enough of his beloved "Hunny." Be sweet, be nourishing (encouraging, inspiring, uplifting, motivating), be pleasant and attractive. Take the high road, put your best foot forward everywhere you go. Leave a good taste in everyone's mouths that stays with them long after you leave their company, a taste of you that leaves them wanting more of your presence, a taste they can't wait to taste again; the sooner, the better. You'll find yourself going to more places where you're celebrated rather than tolerated.

Maybe, just maybe, you'll learn that the lesson about having a disposition that's sweeter than honey goes a long way in building solid relationships...and that Winnie the Pooh is really crazy like a fox, rather than just a "...silly old bear..."

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple....See ya!

You're Not The Only Show In Town

I remember watching The Flintstones when I was a kid. This particular episode involved a birthday party for Fred and Wilma's baby girl, Pebbles. Fred arranged the catering for his daughter's party at the same time he was arranging the entertainment for a get-together for his buddies at The Loyal Order of Water Buffaloes. Fred did his best to make sure everything went off without a hitch, but unfortunately, there was someone on the other end of the equation who dropped the ball:  the caterer.

Fred trusted the caterer to get everything done, because after all, "the caterer knows what he's doing," he thought. Rocko the Clown was supposed to entertain the kids at Pebbles' birthday party; a Dixieland band, adult card games and dancing girls (the Boulderettes) were arranged for the Water Buffalo Lodge. Long story short, the caterer got the addresses mixed up and sent the wrong parties to the wrong parties if you know what I mean.  You can probably guess how awkward things got because of his little mistake.  Chaos ensued, and when things finally got straightened out, the caterer took a nonchalant position in the matter, even though he was at fault for screwing things up. He shrugged his shoulders and said,

"SO WHAT...?? I'm the only caterer in town..."

I couldn't help being irritated when I heard that remark. Even as a child I was turned off by his arrogance. I didn't know what it was called back then, but I knew I didn't like his attitude. His comment was repeated as a running joke several times during that episode, and it may have been good for a few laughs here and there, but in real life, there's nothing funny about it. Such indifference turns people off.  Nobody should be taken lightly, for any reason. Everybody is important enough to treat like a first-class individual. This attitude of being the "only caterer in town" is as wrong as it is counterproductive. It comes from people who believe they "do you a favor" by letting you do business with them, that you should be glad they bothered to give you the time of day. If you own a business and carry this chip on your shoulder, you need a reality check. Keep it up and before long the people you look down your nose at will be the same ones who watch you close your doors for the last time. They won't tolerate your foolishness, nor should they have to.

Understand this: doing business is like entering a relationship: it's not a right or an entitlement, it's a privilege denied to many and granted to few. You, the service provider, want to be one of the lucky few. As such, you should be happy that someone agreed to trust you with their business, and you should conduct yourself accordingly. An attitude of gratitude helps.  When I bought my first car years ago I encountered a salesman trying his best to get me to sign on the dotted line with all deliberate speed. It was apparent to me that in his mind he was the only one who could get me a great deal on a car, that he was doing me a favor by allowing me to speak with him about buying one of his cars, and that I couldn't trust anyone else but him. He wasn't as interested in meeting my need for a car as he was afraid of losing a sale, and also his commission. I let him know in no uncertain terms that as far as I was concerned the buying process was about me, not him, and that if I didn't like what he had to offer I could easily find what I was looking for somewhere else.  (He got the message and changed his tune) A pastor I know in Charlotte, NC said it best:

"There are a lot of churches in this city where you could have chosen to worship, so we're glad you decided to spend your Sunday morning with us."

To me, that's the right attitude. In fact, it's the ONLY attitude one should have when you realize that the people you are doing business with decided to place their trust in you. Maybe you represent the greatest company on the planet, with the greatest product since sliced bread, the greatest business opportunity, or the greatest compensation plan in whatever industry you chose to get involved with. But that doesn't mean a hill of beans to your customer, your prospect, your potential partner. From their perspective (the only one that matters, by the way) you are just another in a long line of people seeking their time, attention, money, or any combination of the above. Get real. You may be right about your company, and you may be right that there's no company on the planet just like yours, because it's unique. But also realize that while your company may be one of a kind, and while it may be a good idea for your prospect to get on board with your company, that doesn't mean they have to sign on the dotted line with you. A good fit with the company is one thing, a good fit with the representative is another matter entirely. The right company with the wrong representative is still a wrong fit.

Having said all this, I advise you to serve the people in your life with humility and gratitude, that's the best way to go. Respect and honor them, and they'll respect and honor you in return. Let them know how much you appreciate them, show gratitude for the fact that they trust you with their business needs more than anyone else. If you do that, maybe, just maybe, when they meet someone in the future who has a need similar to the one you helped them meet in the past, yours will be the first name that comes to mind. And who knows? To them, you just might become the only show in town.

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple.... See ya!

A Salute To Number 2, The Captain

"When a man's ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him." - Proverbs 16:7  AMP

RESPECT:
- a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc.
- a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way
- a particular way of thinking about or looking at something 

On July 15, 2014, Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter played his final All Star baseball game at Target Field in Minneapolis, home of the Minnesota Twins. It was as much a crowning moment in his career as it was a mid-season celebration of the sport. By the time the 2014 season ends, Derek will have played 20 seasons in major league baseball, every single one of them in Yankee pinstripes, with a place in the Baseball Hall of Fame most likely waiting for him.  In the commercial above, shown on television before his at bat in the bottom of the first inning, Derek displays his signature move: a tip of his helmet, saluting his opponent, a show of respect. In turn he is saluted by all who watch him as he takes his place in the batter's box, getting ready to hit as he has done thousands of times in his career.

In short, Jeter (known as The Captain among Yankee fans) understands his place in the game, as well as his place in the grand scheme of things. He doesn't have a big ego, he doesn't see himself as bigger than anyone else. The best way to describe Number 2 is with three simple words:

HE GETS IT.

Derek is respectful of others, and is loved and respected in return, by teammates, fans, and opponents alike. If there is any lesson than can be learned from his playing career and carried from the baseball diamond to any field of endeavor, it would simply be this: respect the people you meet every day, whether customers, prospects, partners, co-workers, friends, even competitors, serve others with the best you have within you every day to the best of your ability, rather than seeking to be served, and when your time comes to walk off the field for the last time, whenever that is, be sure you can do so with as few regrets as possible.

"And Jesus called them to Him and said, You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men hold them in subjection [tyrannizing them]. Not so shall it be among you; but whosoever among you that wishes to be great must become your servant..." - Matthew 20:26 AMP

Maybe you won't walk off to a standing ovation and the sing-song chant of your name from thousands of fans and well-wishers ringing in your ears (or maybe you will, one never knows), but one thing is for certain, the respect that you bestow upon others will be returned to you many times over. And your place among the great will be assured, because like respect, greatness is not demanded, it is earned.

Here's to you, Number 2.  You proved you can make it here, you can make it anywhere...

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya!

Tell Your Story, and Stick To It

STORY:
- an account of incidents or events
- ANECDOTE (a short story about an interesting or funny event or occurrence); especially an amusing one

When I started in business I was told, The best way to connect with people is to tell them your story...

To be honest, I struggled with that idea. I didn't think I had a story...at least, I didn't have one worth telling. I didn't think I was as smart, or as handsome, or as talented, or as skilled, or as "lucky," as anyone else. I was sure other people had more compelling events in their lives to share than I did; I didn't see why anybody would be interested in knowing anything about me at all.  I truly thought if anybody heard me try to talk about myself I'd bore them, turn them off, and they wouldn't want to have anything to do with me.

As it turns out, nothing could have been further from the truth. I began to learn how wrong I was going back to my days as a member of Toastmasters International back in the early 2000's. When I shared my Icebreaker speech (a talk where you share something about yourself for about 5-6 minutes), I was surprised to learn that the audience was fascinated with what I had to say. Not only that, I learned that sharing my story wasn't the big, nerve-wracking struggled I imagined it to be; it was actually fun to talk about some of the experiences I've had.

But you know what was the best part? I found out that people don't want to be dazzled or impressed, they just want to know there's someone out there that they can relate to in some way. There's comfort in knowing that someone else has gone through the same adversity you're facing, and found a way to overcome it. As the saying goes, "no man is an island," and everyone wants to connect with another human being on some level.  There's a big difference between solitude and loneliness, and sometimes the loneliest feeling in the world is not being all by yourself, but finding yourself in the midst of a crowd and feeling like you have nothing in common with anyone around you. The anguish of such a moment defies description; believe me, I know that heartache all too well.

Always keep this in mind when reaching out to others:

Sharing your story gives another human being a glimpse into your heart, your very self. You are sharing with others who you truly are, from the inside out. And that's what people want most of all, to connect with other human beings from the inside out. They don't want to piece of your mind, they want a piece of your heart. To tell your story to another says to them, I trust you with this piece of heart, this is who I am. What you give comes back. If you give yourself to another, you receive another to yourself in return. It's not perfect and it's not exact, but as you give of yourself, you receive from others who are willing to trust a piece of themselves with you.

"Give people a fact or an idea and you enlighten their minds; tell them a story and you touch their souls." - Hasidic proverb

Share your story, don't be ashamed of it. The fact that you are still around to share it means you have been successful to some degree, and your example can be a source of inspiration to others. You never know how much one word spoken from you can mean to someone who desperately needs to hear it.

"The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry, And a wise friend's timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger." - Proverbs 25:11 The Message Bible

Tell your story and stick to it. Don't back down. Nobody knows your story as well as you do, nobody can dispute your story because they didn't live your life (and you did), and for what it's worth, as you tell what you know and how you got through what you went through, your words may be the glue that helps someone else keep it together, because they didn't know they could keep moving forward despite their challenges ...until they heard from you.

 That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple... See ya!

Let Them Know About You

I remember my first days with Toastmasters International when I was told the first step toward receiving Competent Toastmaster status was to give an introductory speech called an Icebreaker. The purpose of the Icebreaker is to tell the rest of the club a little something about yourself, so everyone can know you a bit better.

Looking back on that experience, it wasn't much different from what I heard when I started a business, that I should tell people my story because people do business with those they know, like, and trust. In both instances, my response was the same...  I panicked.

I panicked because I got defensive. I got defensive because I was scared. I got scared because I was reluctant to tell anybody about myself. I was afraid that if I let people see me as I truly am they would find out how awkward I felt, how unsure of myself I was. Long story short, I feared that people would laugh at me for appearing weak, needy, clingy, desperate, immature, silly, stupid, vulnerable, the list goes on, I think you get the idea. I believed the only people who could truly connect with others were those were were oil slick, velvet smooth, silver tongued fast talkers with bright, shiny, polished veneers, diamond sparkling brilliance, not a hair out of place. In other words, you had to be perfect, virtually flawless, and believe me, there was no way on God's green earth I could possibly fit that description. As I write this, I still don't fit that bill.

But when I dropped my guard and let people see the real me, an amazing thing happened: I found out that all those assumptions I had couldn't be further from the truth. I connected with more people than I ever dreamed possible. And I discovered something just as remarkable. People do not seek to connect with people who impress them, they seek people they can relate to, people they can talk with on a comfortable level, just like slipping on a familiar pair of loafers. They don't want people in their lives who are flawless, they want people who are just like they are: HUMAN, people with ups, downs, and vulnerabilities, people with whom they can find common ground, even if finding that common ground means they find in someone else a kindred spirit who is dissatisfied with things in their life as they are right now, and seek a way to make their situation better.

So don't be afraid to be human, because it's okay to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, to be imperfect. Don't waste time trying to impress people, that is a sign of desperation, which reveals that you are pretending to be someone you're not, in an effort to get people to like you. People relate to people who help them see themselves and like themselves. As the saying goes, "We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." (Anais Nin)

Risk being vulnerable. Risk being human. Risk being real and genuine. As you do so, people will want to know more about you, so they can like and trust you, too.

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
- William Shakespeare, Hamlet

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya!

Be Excited...Be VERY Excited

"Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes shine to the stars. Enthusiasm is the sparkle in your eyes, the swing in your gait. The grip of your hand, the irresistible surge of will and energy to execute your ideas." - Henry Ford

EXCITEMENT: 
- a feeling of eager enthusiasm and interest: the state of being excited 
- exciting activity
- a quality that causes feelings of eager enthusiasm: an exciting quality
- something that excites or rouses
- the action of exciting: the state of being excited

I know a lot of people who look back on the days when their children were young and all they talk about is how hard it was to deal with them. They complain that it was a struggle, a trial, it was so difficult, with all the 3 a.m. feedings, the diaper changes, the non stop crying, never knowing what their child wanted because the child couldn't tell you what they wanted; all they could do was cry, etc. Most of their talk about those days centered around what a trial it was to have children, it was so hard, blah, blah, blah...

Maybe I'm different, but I enjoyed all that time I spent with my kids. Yes they made noise at times, yes they didn't go to sleep when I wanted them to (especially my son; it took a long time to get him to sleep at night, now there isn't a pillow his head doesn't like... LOL) and their energy seemed boundless. Whenever I was ready to call it a night they were just getting warmed up, it seemed. But still I enjoyed engaging with my kids, even at such a young age.

I did a lot of fun things with my kids when they were little, but my favorite thing to do with them happened just before they went to sleep: I read them bedtime stories. Usually it was Dr. Seuss (my personal favorite), or Curious George, or Amelia Bedelia, Little House on the Prairie, or any other book I could read to them, but what made it so enjoyable was the fact that I could improvise with the characters and do a whole bunch of different voices to entertain them and make them laugh. It was as much fun for me as it was for them. So much fun in fact, that when I read to my daughter at bedtime my son (who was a teenager by this time) would sit in the room with us and listen to those stories too, even though he'd heard them many times before my daughter was born. And he'd enjoy them just as much as she did, as if hearing them for the very first time.

I wondered what it was that made those moments with my kids so special. After giving it some thought I realized something that wasn't hard to figure out. Whenever I took my kids out on the weekends, my daughter would ask, "Daddy, are we going to do something fun?" She always knew the answer, but I guess she just wanted to hear me say it. (Yes, she had me wrapped around her little finger, but hey, that's part of being a dad, nothing wrong with that) Whatever I did with my kids, especially when I read bedtime stories to them, was special for one simple reason:

I was as excited about being with them as they were about being with me. I brought enthusiasm to my times with my children, and it was returned to me many times over. They were my mirror; everything I brought to them was reflected back to me. Excitement is contagious, and excitement is fun. When you are excited you draw people to you like moths to a flame. I found this to be true, and even years later my kids smile when they ask me, "Dad do you remember when..?" Doesn't matter if it was the movies, bowling, the bookstore, the library, the amusement park, the soccer field, the mini golf, even the bedtime stories, they still talk about that because it was fun and enjoyable for them...just like it was for me.

If I could share anything with you from this story with regard to any relationships you have, whether personal or business, it would be this: make the time you spend with the people who matter the most to you, matter most. If you want exciting things to happen in your life and on your team, be excited, be very excited. Life is like a mirror, it reflects whatever you project. I learned that from my children because I projected excitement to them in whatever I shared with them, and they reflected it back to me. They are just as excited and still as enthusiastic today as they were as little kids. It worked for me with my kids, and I can promise you, it will work for you and your kids...or even you and your team. Long story short, nothing happens until somebody gets excited...that somebody might as well be you:

"Today is life-the only life you are sure of. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto." - Dale Carnegie

"If you have zest and enthusiasm you attract zest and enthusiasm. Life does give back in kind." - Norman Vincent Peale

That's all for now, gotta run.  Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple.... See ya!

Why Should I Wanna Be Just Like You?

"Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend [to show rage or worthy purpose]." - Proverbs 27:17 AMP

"If people don't like you, they won't buy from you. A person could love your product, but DISLIKE you and will pass on the product." - Brian Tracy

PEER PRESSURE: the influence that a peer group, observers, or individuals exert that encourage others to change their attitudes, values, or behaviors to conform to group norms

I recently attended a graduation ceremony for one of my nephews. He is moving up from elementary school to middle school. Like many other commencement exercises, it was a happy occasion where the achievements of the graduates were recognized and celebrated. Not surprisingly, mixed in with all the congratulatory wishes were words of wisdom, as well as caution, to help the students prepare for the next level of their schooling. Among them four words stood out above the rest:

CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY

Having the right friends, the students were told, would help make their middle school years as enjoyable as they could be successful. I did agree with what the kids were told, I thought it was great advice. I just wish they had more time to explain what that really means. I would also say that advice wasn't just for the kids. I know many grown-ups who failed to learn that lesson and suffered painful consequences as a result. If I ever have a chance to tell anyone about the importance of choosing good friends, building solid relationships, and avoiding the pitfalls of negative peer pressure, I would keep it as simple as possible. Use this as a measuring stick:

Are there people who want to be friends with you if you agree to walk like them, talk like them, think like them, copy everything about them...until you BECOME them? 

Do these people expect you to do whatever they tell you, and say only what they want to hear? 

Do they expect you to change who you are to please them because expressing your true self bothers them, or makes them uncomfortable around you?

If you answer YES to any of the above questions, your decision is not at all complicated...

AVOID THEM LIKE THE PLAGUE

Yes, I said to avoid them. They're no good for you; they'll only drag you down. It doesn't matter how long you've known them, or how much they say they like you as a person. Nobody who accepts you as you are would ever ask you to change who you are to make them like you even more, or at all. If they don't like you now they won't like you later, no matter how much you change who you are for them. They're not the kind of people you want in your life, and you don't need them, either. You want people in your life who will inspire you to be your best self, not people who require you to make yourself a monument to their mediocrity. It is not now, nor will it ever be, your job to turn yourself into a second-rate version of someone else.  Don't fall for the siren song of people who try to tantalize you with their tired rant about how much you need to be more like them in order to be happy and successful. That's a load of crap. Don't mean to offend, but sometimes you gotta call a spade a spade.  As the saying goes, it's better to be hurt by the truth than to be comforted by a lie.

Just to be clear, there's nothing wrong with following the example of someone who inspires you to achieve your own great exploits. That's a decision you make for yourself and you can reap some rich rewards. This is true in any field of endeavor you can name, whether athletics, academics, sciences, arts, and humanities or any other discipline that comes to mind. To inspire someone to follow your example is awesome and humbling. To require someone to copy your example is manipulative, selfish, conceited. No good can come from making carbon copies; everyone deserves to be an original.

You are the gatekeeper of your life. Bring people into your life that raise you up, that lets you stand on their shoulders. Reject and refuse the ones that try to pull you off course and lead you astray, dragging you down with them into the depths of doom, gloom, and despair.  As you are inspired you will in turn inspire others. And who knows? Maybe one day when you least expect it, someone will approach you, inspired by the example you set, to confess that they...

...Wanna learn to be...
...Like someone...
...Like you...

And maybe one day, they'll say this about you:

That's all for now, gotta run...

Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple.... See ya!