Keep People Out of Your Business

"A fool lets it all hang out; a sage quietly mulls it over." - Proverbs 29:11 MSG

"The better part of valor is discretion." - Shakespeare

DISCRETION: The quality of having discernment or showing good judgment; ability to make responsible decisions

You may have heard that honesty is the best policy. I heard that too growing up, and I believe it's true. 

As true as that is, there's no law that says you have to tell everything about your life to everyone. Being discreet is just as important as being honest.

Sad but true, there are people who need to stay out of your business, whether personal or professional. I say this for two reasons:

1. People will try to STOP you.

You may have heard that everybody loves a winner. That's a lie. Everybody does NOT love a winner. They don't even like winners. 

Some people hate to see others experience success. That's a fact. They're so full of envy and jealousy that they can't stand seeing anyone else succeed.

I was told as a child not to let everyone know my plans because they would pray for me to fail. In the years since I have found this to be true. 

Here's how to tell when somebody hates to see others succeed: watch how they respond to when someone has a setback. If they seem happy about it, almost to the point of rejoicing, then you'll have your answer. It'll be as plain as the nose on your face.

As bad as that is, there's another reason why you want to keep certain people out of your business:

2. People will try to CONTROL you.

Has this ever happened to you? 

You're in a situation where you've got a good thing going. Your experience success, a positive turning point in your life that marks a change for the better. 

Then suddenly people who weren't interested in you, never gave you the time of day...want to visit you, talk with you, know all there is to know about you. 

They start following your every move like you're a movie star and they're the papparazzi. You wonder why these relative strangers try to pass themselves off as your lifelong "adoring public."

The answer is simple.

You're successful now, you've "got it goin' on," and now they want a piece of the action. Not the work you're doing, but the reward you're getting.

People who never had a reason to look at you twice now want to be all "lovey dovey" and "buddy buddy" with you, for seemingly no reason at all.

Well there IS a reason. They have an ulterior motive, an agenda that has nothing to do with your well being, but everything to do with their own. 

You're the goose that lays the golden eggs, and they want to get "fat and happy" at your expense. It's the "Lotto mentality". You know what I'm talking about...

People come out of the woodwork to find out what you're up to.  They were "in the neighborhood and thought they'd drop by to see you." 

Next thing you know they're offering to "help" you with your day to day routine. They want to become more and more involved with your life, supposedly out of the goodness of their hearts. Yeah, whatever. 

They want to invite themselves into your life so they can influence your plans by putting in their two cents, butting in at every turn so they can influence your decisions, conning you into believing they are helping you out, but they're really just interfering because all they're doing is getting IN your way.

Point blank, they want to control everything you say, everything you think, everything you do.

They have no life of their own. They have no desire to exercise their will to improve their lives because it's much easier to impose their will on you so they can exercise your will for their benefit.

Now you may read this and think to yourself, This is awful!  Everything you're saying is true... because you know someone who's experiencing this situation, or maybe you're going through it yourself.

You may wonder if anything can be done about this situation, for yourself or for someone you know. 

The answer is YES, something can be done...

...and next time, I'll share with you what that answer is...it's a simple answer and very effective. You can benefit from it, and your friends will too...

Here's a hint for next time...keep it in mind for the conclusion, and when it arrives you'll be on the right track...

That's all for now, gotta run...

Until next time, remember:

Keep it simple... See ya!

Make People Qualify For Your Time

QUALIFY: to fit by training, skill, or ability for a special purpose; to declare competent or adequate; CERTIFY; to meet the required standard

"For there is no good (healthy) tree that bears decayed (worthless, stale) fruit, nor on the other hand does a decayed (worthless, sickly) tree bear good fruit...The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks." - Luke 6:43,45 AMP

Years ago when I got involved with youth sports, I had to be trained as a baseball coach. The league I signed up for required all volunteers to complete a training course to qualify for the position. 

The work wasn't difficult: attend training sessions, watch videos, pass a series of exams to earn my certification. Very simple.

As long as I committed myself to the process and followed directions earning the right to coach would not be a problem...which I did.

I enjoyed the privilege of coaching for several years. It allowed me to share all the knowledge and wisdom I received from many great coaches I'd met. Having a chance to pass the baton was a pleasure for me.

I share this story not to brag, but to make a point. Just as I received counsel from people qualified to give it, just as children received counsel from me as I was qualified to share it...

You must also receive coaching and instruction from people who are competent and qualified to offer knowledge to help you succeed in whatever you do.

Not everyone who offers you advice is qualified to do so. Some people are mere "armchair quarterbacks," content to spout their opinions left and right without knowledge or experience to back up a word they say.

It can be a friend, family or foe. The acquaintance can be professional or personal, it doesn't matter. What matters most is this:

If they haven't done what they're telling you to do they have no authority to decide what you can do with your life.

Several sayings I heard in my youth come to mind...

Practice what you preach...

Talk is cheap...

The proof of the pudding is in the eating...

All are old sayings, but they're still as valid now as they were back in the day. 

You'll always find someone who can't help trying to involve themselves in your life, doing their best to butt their two cents' worth(less) of advice into your situation.

I have a couple of suggestions about how to handle such moments:

First, realize the most valuable advice is asked for, not freely given. If it's uninvited it's unwelcome. Period.

People offering wise counsel don't dish it out to just anyone. They accumulate that knowledge through hard work and share with people who understand its value. The ones who ask will use and appreciate it.

People who freely offer advice don't care about your situation. They want to hear themselves talk, make themselves look good. They are more concerned with their ego than with your well being.

And second, when people say, "You know what you should do..?" or "You should...", stop them in their tracks with this little gem. Five simple words...

Is that what you did..?

You will get one of two responses:

They fall back on their heels, caught off guard by your question. Struggling to find something to say, they try to change the subject, because you exposed their ignorance and they feel uncomfortable.

or...

They tell you about some experience they had where things didn't work out, which has nothing to do with you. 

In either case, their response tells you all you need to know about their advice...It's worthless.   

They have no credibility to guide you, no expertise to help you reach your goals. Most of all, they have no authority which obligates you to follow their lead.

Everyone's time has value, yours included.  Nobody has the right to control your time except you. They must earn the right to share your time; it cannot be taken captive against your will.

Make people qualify for your time...here's how:

Their lives must bear fruit which proves they are worthy of providing the counsel you need.

They must have required expertise which qualifies them to lead and guide you along your chosen path.

There must be "proof in the pudding," i.e. evidence of their ability to provide counsel to that helps navigate your own path to success.

In plain English, make sure they know what they're talking about, and they're able to back it up! Talk is cheap, remember...?

People qualify you for their time, they should also qualify for yours. Your 24 hours is just as important as someone else's. Don't give it away to anyone who is not worthy of it.

Your life shouldn't go to waste...and neither should your time.  See to it that everyone you meet feels the same way, too.

That's all for now, gotta run.

Until next time, remember:

Keep it simple... See ya!

Don't Run From Failure, Learn From It - Part 2

- Alfred Pennyworth (to Bruce Wayne) 

in "The Dark Knight"

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in

rising up every time we fail." - Ralph Waldo 

Emerson

FAILURE: state of inability to perform; a lack of success; a falling short; DEFICIENCY

"Anything that's worth doing is worth doing badly until you get it right." - Mr. Leroy Washington, as told to Les Brown

In Part 1 we talked about the possibility that failure is no different now than it was when we were growing up. 

I suggested failure is the same is at has always been; we just don't see it the same way. And people don't view us the same way whenever we experience a setback.  Don't believe it? 

When's the last time someone gave you a pat on the back when you had a stumble?  Was that the usual response? Or did someone get upset with you, yell at you, even curse you out when you fell short?

I've seen kids fall apart emotionally whenever they made errors playing sports.  Why you ask? 

Because they knew what they would hear from family, especially parents, in response. Loved ones flip out, losing total control of their emotions. 

Some yell, scream and curse out their own child for making mistakes. Gradually the child is scared away from sports or any other activity that's supposed to be fun due to such traumatic moments.

That's a big reason many children grow into adults too terrified to attempt anything, never mind making mistakes. They're paralyzed less by failure than by the fear of being chewed out every time they screw up.

And how does the saying go..? We only hurt the ones we love..?

People who overreact fail to realize (ironic, isn't it?) that temporary defeat is the price to be paid for future success.

Zig Ziglar often said, "Failure is an event, never a person." Sadly, everyone doesn't get the memo and many who do get it don't bother to read it, much less understand it.

Many of us believe that success means never having a setback, never falling short, never missing the mark...always hitting the target with every shot.

But suppose it's possible that all these years we've looked at failure the wrong way?  Before you tune me out, hear me out...

You may be wondering, what good could possibly come from enduring a moment of failure?

Well, nothing can if failure is an all or nothing event which means the end of the road, the end of all hope.

But what is failure wasn't any such thing?  What if failure wasn't really an end, but a new beginning? Part of a process on a journey of our own choosing?

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn." - Helen Keller

What if you could learn a lesson from each setback? What if Henry Ford was right when he said:

"Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently"..?

Suppose that instead of identifying with the pain, the embarrassment, the stigma, the sting of humiliation, we viewed failure some other way?

Instead of seeing a roadblock, a stumbling block, or a dead end, why not see an opportunity to learn, to grow, to improve?

How about taking the advice given to Simba by Rafiki in The Lion King, words of wisdom which apply to us all?

Don't run from failure, learn from it. Plain and simple.

Use the lessons failure teaches to grow stronger, wiser, better. Look at those times when things didn't work out, make adjustments, and go at it again with renewed, revived focus.

These are the same lessons we learned early in childhood, though we didn't realize it at the time. As the saying goes, if I knew then what I know now...

Well, now you DO know! You know better, you think better, and you make better decisions because of the lessons you've learned along the way.

Don't let the wisdom that you've received go to waste. Apply lessons learned through victory and defeat alike to make progress and turn your life around.

Then when people wonder how you got to be so successful, and the inevitable question is asked: Do you think I could as be as successful as you?

You can give them a straightforward answer, telling the truth and the whole truth of the matter:

It is possible to fail...to adjust...to improve...and to grow...

You can fall and get back up...

You can stumble and still move forward...

You can stall a little bit, and see yourself making progress because you haven't completely stopped.

And in the end, you will know that every time you fail, instead of staying fallen, staying down, staying defeated, you can do what Dave Koz suggests through the siren call of his soprano sax...

You can RISE...

That's all for now, gotta run.

Until next time, remember...

Keep it simple...See ya!

It's Time To Go After What YOU Want

"Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart."
- Psalm 37:3,4 AMP

"It might not be what you want, but at least it's SOMETHING.."

Ever heard advice like this before? Chances are you have. Maybe you heard it recently.

Here's what it means, for those who may not understand: 

If you're looking for work you just take whatever you can get. Even if you don't like doing it; at least it's a paycheck.

There's an unspoken assumption here: 

You can't get what you want in life so don't bother trying. If you're "lucky" enough to get what you want something happened beyond your control to make it possible.

If that seems like practical advice, consider this:

The person who gave this advice didn't go after what they wanted in life and settled for what they got. So they don't think it's possible to have what they want, and in their minds, you shouldn't have it either.

Going after what you don't want is not going to give you what you do want. Think about it, are you going to reach Mexico by traveling toward Canada? Uh, no.

"My father could have been a great comedian but he didn't believe it was possible for him...Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant and when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job and our family had to do whatever we could to survive. 

I learned many great lessons from my father. Not the least of which is that you can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love." - Jim Carrey

This is not to suggest you can't do something in the short term which doesn't line up with your heart's desires. It may be necessary for right now. That's okay. No problem there.

But there are 168 hours in a week. You do what you have to do for others. Why not do what you want to do for yourself?

Not sure what you'd like to do? Then this is the perfect time to find out.

I caution you, however, not to share details of your journey to self-discovery with anyone. They may see your efforts as a waste of time, and will try to talk you into doing something more "realistic." 

"Stop letting people who do so little for you control your mind, feelings, and emotions. Being realistic is the most common path to mediocrity." - Will Smith

Why do I say this? Because they may not have a desire to excel and improve their lives as much as you do yours. Remember, they don't think it's possible. You do.

To offset the potential second-guessing, I suggest adding people to your life who can be trusted with the dream in your heart. Find people you know who will support your quest to change your life. Here's why...

If you were a parent would you trust just anyone to take care of your child? Of course not. By the same token, you don't trust just anyone to care about your dream like you do. It's that important.    

Regardless of what others may think, you have every right to go after what you want in life. It's not selfish or conceited to do so. You must be true to yourself before you can be true to anyone else.

"This above all, to thine own self be true and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." - William Shakespeare

People may not understand your motives. It doesn't matter. 

People may not understand what you're doing. It doesn't matter.

People may not even understand your explanation as to why you feel like what you do is important. Even that doesn't matter.

What does matter is that you answer the call you feel in your heart, that you follow its promptings without hesitation.

You don't have to prove to anyone the validity of your dreams. And it's not their place to judge the dreams, the visions, the desires of your heart that they do not share, that they cannot share.

What counts is that they matter to you. That's why it's time to go after what YOU want in life...

Not because it matters to them, but because it matters to you. 

"It was never between you and them anyway..." 
- Mother Teresa 

That's all for now, gotta run.

Until next time, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya!

Don't Run From Failure, Learn From It - Part I

FAILURE: lack of success; falling short

You fall down...you get up...you try again...

"If at first, you don't succeed, try try again..."

These are lessons we learned in childhood. We were taught that failure shouldn't be a barrier to our quest for success. It was nothing more than a stepping stone on the way to where we wanted to go.

But somewhere along the line, the rules changed. Somebody flipped the script.

It's hard to tell when it happened, but one day it was no longer okay to fail. 

We were taught that all hope of success was riding on every move we made as if we were walking a tightrope over the Grand Canyon. 

One false move, one little slip, and it was game over. All was lost and we'd be branded forever as losers with no chance for redemption.

Reminds me of something I heard at a conference several years ago from a person who suffered from a poor self-image.

She said she used to feel like she walked around with a neon sign attached to her back that listed every wrong thing she'd ever done in her life for all to see.

She felt like many of us do: helpless, powerless, with no possibility of turning our lives around...

But is that really true? I'm not sure it is.

Maybe it's time we dusted off those old lessons and took a closer look...

Maybe it's possible that we don't have to identify ourselves based on the perceptions of people who all to easily misjudge us...

Maybe, just maybe, Les Brown was right when he said: "Someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality."

And maybe it's possible we've been looking at failure the wrong way all these years.

In Part 2 we'll take a closer look at the lesson we forgot, but here's a hint:

That's all for now, gotta run. 

Until next time remember...

Keep it simple...See ya!

When The Going Gets Tough...KEEP GOING!!

PERSISTENCE: the quality that allows someone to continue doing something though it is difficult or opposed by other people; the quality or state of being persistent, especially:

PERSEVERANCE (continued effort to do something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition)

It is said if you chop a tree in a thousand different places nothing happens. But if you chop a tree in the same place a thousand times, the tree will fall.

It is also said a rock, regardless of its size, crumbles as the waters of a gentle stream wear it down over time. 

These incidents may seem isolated but they're not. In both instances the weaker element prevails over the one that appears stronger.

Persistence and perseverance make the difference. How so?

Persistence and perseverance help you to keep doing the right thing over and over again when you don't get the quick results you wanted.

Persistence and perseverance help you to stay focused when frustration comes, as it always does.

Persistence and perseverance give you the fortitude to make another attempt when discouragement from a setback tempts you to give up the fight.

Persistence and perseverance remind you that you're one step closer to your goal when your emotions try to convince you that you're light years away.

In sports, the closer you get to scoring, the harder your opposition works to prevent you from reaching the goal. Why?

Because the opposition sees your progress. Each step is a move forward which causes the opponent to work harder to knock you down, push you back. 

Life is the toughest opponent, but the principle still applies. The opposition is a response to your progress. Life knocks you down because it wants to know how determined you are to complete your mission.

So what do you do?

Keep moving forward...even with all the hits life throws at you:

Don't be discouraged if life slows you down or delays you...

Don't get upset when life throws you a curve that catches you by surprise...

Don't let circumstances make you angry to the point where you feel helpless...

Adversity is a sign that you're doing something right, even if you don't know what that something is.

Point blank, you are making progress, you're moving forward even if it doesn't seem that way.

No matter how slow you're going, if you haven't stopped you're moving forward. Don't stop the momentum, don't give up the fight, don't quit.

Keep swinging that ax. Keep pouring that water over those rocks.

When the going gets tough...so can you:

Persist, persevere...take your eyes off the obstacles, keep your eyes on the goal, and no matter what happens...

KEEP GOING..!!

That's all for now, gotta run.

Until next time, remember:

Keep it simple... See ya!

P.S. If you're the kind of person who keeps getting up after you've been knocked down, you're someone I'd like to connect with. You can reach me on Facebook,
on Twitter (@63MrBryantET)
or on Gmail (mr.bryantet63@gmail.com)

Thanks for reading, and Keep it Simple... Later!

I Don't Like Network Marketing Because...

MARKETING: making people aware of a company's products; making sure that the products are available to be bought; promoting, selling, and distributing a product or service; functions involved in moving goods from producer to consumer

"Successful people have the habit of doing things failures don't like to do. They don't like doing them either, necessarily, but their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose." - E.M. Gray

"I don't like network marketing because it doesn't allow you to use your gifts, talents and abilities."

The way some people talk, you'd think marketing insults intelligence. In the minds of many people marketing is a dirty word, and network marketing is a sacrilege.

While I find this argument fascinating, it is also flawed. Why? Two reasons:

First, because every person who spoke to me with a negative opinion of the subject had little experience with it. Most of that experience came from family or friends who had little knowledge or experience themselves.

And second, because people rush to judgment based on hearsay from others who knew very little about it, did nothing with the opportunity they were presented, then complained to others about their lack of success without mentioning their lack of effort.

Yes there are bad experiences in network marketing, just as there are bad experiences in every industry. There is positive and negative to be found in any business, without exception.

As for the argument that network marketing prevents people from developing skills, gifts, talents, etc., that argument is misinformed. 

How can I say this? Simple.

Network (or multi level) marketing is just like any job in any industry: to be successful, new hires must be trained if they're going to do the required work with any competence.

But this is where the line gets drawn. 

In a job setting the number of people you can serve, and the impact you can make is limited at best.

Training is limited to whatever helps you perform a specific task, one that is geared toward helping you serve only the customers in your immediate reach.

With network marketing there is no limit to the number of people whose lives you can impact. Self-education and self-improvement are not mandatory, but are recommended and encouraged. 

Training is voluntary. You are not forced to learn, but you're not forced to grow, either. 

People submit to training in network marketing because they realize their business will not grow unless they grow and improve first.

So yes, not only do your gifts, talents and skills get utilized, they are given a platform whereby they are given room to expand.

Having said all this, let me ask you...

In your current work environment, if your ability to make an impact is dictated by someone not named you, how many of your talents, gifts, or abilities are you free to express?

Only you can answer that question.

Agree with me or don't, that's your choice. It is my hope that I have given you much to consider, because that is what really matters.

Okay, that's all for now, gotta run.

Until next time, remember:

Keep it simple...See ya!

P.S. Marketing of all kinds is simply about making connections, no more and no less. If you believe in the power of connecting, I invite you to watch this video:

If this makes sense to you, you're someone I would like to know. Reach out to me on Facebook, on Twitter (@63MrBryantET) or 

Gmail (mr.bryantet63@gmail.com)

Thanks for watching...and Keep it Simple... See ya! 

The Balancing Act of Building Relationships

      

BALANCE: the state of having your weight spread equally so that you do not fall; the ability to move or to remain in a position without losing control or falling; a state in which different things occur in equal or proper amounts or have an equal or proper amount of importance

Looking at a chair and a tripod, the first thing you may notice is what's different about them: the chair has four legs, while the tripod has only three.

If you look more closely, however, you will also see they have something in common.  Both are designed with the same purpose: to achieve proper balance for whatever (or whoever) rests upon them. 

Take away one leg from either of them and what happens? The whole thing comes crashing down.

Like chairs and tripods, relationship building is also based on balance. If too much emphasis is placed on one leg to the neglect of the rest the whole structure can collapse.

To achieve this balance in relationships, however, one foundation of success cannot be compromised. Many people do so without realizing it. When this happens failure is inevitable, and people wonder what went wrong. 

It's not hard to figure out when you know the key to building relationships that help the foundation stand firm. And that key is the ability to honor someones:

FREE WILL: the ability to choose how to act; voluntary choice or decision

Simply put, if you violate someone's free will you will not be successful in building any kind of relationship with them. They will avoid you like the plague.  Case in point:

1.  Do you Interrupt...or INTRODUCE? 

According to Merriam-Webster (m-w.com), interrupt is defined as "stop or hinder by breaking in.." If you saw the Bill Murray film Groundhog Day you watched an example of interruption at its best.  

Phil Connors, Bill's character is stalked by insurance salesman Ned Ryerson, an old high school classmate Phil doesn't remember, and wishes he'd never met:

Football quarterbacks don't get assaulted like this. At least they have offensive linemen to protect them... somewhat.

You can see this approach doesn't work, so what's a better alternative?  Say we ease up on the throttle a little bit? Like this...

Introduce yourself.  (I told you it was easy)

Merriam-Webster defines introduce (in this context) as "cause to be acquainted," no more and no less:

"Hello, my name is.." How hard is that?

Nowadays blank name tags allow people to introduce themselves in silence. Tags can be attached to your clothing so your name can be seen without having to speak to anyone. 

"Hello, my name is..." and you can write your name in the blank space so people can see your name before you say a word. It's a very simple way to break the ice.  

Perfect strangers can welcome themselves into your life on their terms, not yours. And you can choose to let them into your circle on your terms as well.

People like to choose the company they keep; they don't want others making the choice for them.

People look at your tag and decide if they want to know you. You look at their tag and decide if you want to know them. Very simple.

There is mutual interest in meeting each another and nobody approaches anyone uninvited or unwelcome. No one invades anyone else's space. No worries.

That's the first leg that helps to build a relationship. Next time we'll examine another leg that's equally important in keeping things properly balanced, both personally or professionally.

That's all for now, gotta run. Until next time, remember:

Keep it simple... See ya!

P.S. If you believe in the importance of building relationships, then you also know about the power of making connections. Watch this video and see if you can relate:

If this makes sense to you, then you're someone I want to connect with. You can reach me on Facebook, Twitter (@63MrBryantET) or Gmail (mr.bryantet63@gmail.com)

Don't forget... 

Keep it simple.... See ya!