Hearing those words or rejection was stinging enough, but what made it worse was the person who said them was the one responsible for introducing me to the business in the first place. They had the idea that we'd work together, then they backed out when they realized what the scope of the work would entail. Truth is, that person's idea of "work" was that I would get on board, do the bulk of the work, and they'd reap the lion's share of the reward. If you're familiar with the 80/20 principle, this may ring a familiar bell to you. (For those not familiar with 80/20, it simply means that 80 percent of the work is done by 20 percent of the people, though the truth these days shifts the numbers to more like 90/10, but I think you get the idea).
Instead of getting upset about the other person dropping the ball on me, I did some thinking instead. What was I doing that was turning this person off? Come to think of it, what do we all do that turns people on? That turns people off? What do we do that gets people to say, I'd like to do what you do..., or I don't want to do what you do...?
I went back to my own childhood for some answers. When we were kids grownups would ask, What do you want to be when you grow up? I knew my answer without hesitation, didn't even have to think about it: I want to be a baseball player, I would always say. I saw grown men on television playing baseball and it looked like they were having fun, so I thought maybe I'd like to give it a try, too. Why not? For two to three hours every day they would swing a bat, hit, catch and throw a ball, run around bases, dive, slide, get as dirty as they wanted, and get cheered on by thousands of grownups who would encourage them to keep doing it. How cool is that? And the more fun they had doing it, the more fun people had watching them do it. Who wouldn't want to do something like that? It was fun, it was exciting, and it made a lot of people very happy. To a child, it's a no brainer. I liked what I saw, thought I could do it too, my dad always talked about how much fun he had when he play baseball. That inspired me try it out for myself. And you know what? I was able to play the game, and play it well. I even had grownups watch me play and teach me how to play the game even better. It was great!
So after that moment of reflection I decided to pull a "Michael J. Fox" and get back to the future. (sorry, couldn't resist) I looked at the people I'd spoken with over the years when attempting unsuccessfully to bring them on board with me in different business ventures I'd joined. Many of them offered lame excuses, most of which centered around lack of time (ex. I understand the concept, but I just don't have the time...I'm just not interested, etc.) At first I would get immediately defensive, blaming the all the people who rejected me, saying they don't know a good thing when they see it, they're lazy, unmotivated, no ambition, etc. (some people I knew would say they were "stupid"...I never went that far, because I thought it was juvenile to do so) After running into this roadblock numerous times I began to wonder if maybe the problem wasn't the people I approached, but the person who spoke to the people I approached, as in ME...yes, ME!!! Maybe I was the problem here, and maybe I needed to find out what I was doing that wasn't working, so I could fix it.
Here's a quick personal example: at one time I was severely overweight to the point where my health and my life were at risk. On December 23, 2009 (my dad's birthday, of all days) I was told pointblank by a nurse at an Urgent Care facility, "Sir, you are a candidate for a STROKE..." Those words rang in my ears, because on that day I weighed 260 pounds, my blood pressure was 170/110, I was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall and 46 years of age. It was a miracle I didn't drop dead before I got there. Hearing those words, however, made me realize that if changes had to be made, I could not afford to wait for someone else to make them for me, because it was nobody else's fault that I got so badly out of shape and at risk for early death but my own. I had to do something because I was responsible for getting myself in such a state, which meant it was up to me to get myself out. Besides, I had two very good reasons to turn things around: my son and my daughter; they would not grow up with the memory of a deceased dad if I had anything to say about it. That was a little over four years ago, and as I approach my 51st birthday (on the 25th of this month) I am happy to say that I am in much better condition than I was in my 40's...or even my 30's for that matter. I've lost over 80 pounds and I have much more energy and focus that I did back then. But it would not have been possible if I wasn't willing to stop pointing fingers, take a hard look at what I was doing, find out what wasn't working, and take steps to turn things around.
Now having said all that, let's get back to the business side of things, specifically how things are working (or not working) in your business. You may be frustrated over your lack of results and are tempted to blame the people who rejected you for your failure to reach them effectively. I could just say that whenever you point a finger at someone else, at least three fingers are pointed back at you, but that wouldn't help you solve the problem you face. So let me make a different suggestion; take it for what it's worth, do with it what you will.
When you approach people, you may be thinking about your business, but they are not thinking of your business...they're thinking about YOU. And you know what else they're thinking? They're wondering if what you have to offer is worth considering, not because of the business itself, but because of YOU. People don't join a company, they join YOU (or they don't join because of YOU...get the message?) They're asking two questions: Do I want to spend any of my precious time doing what this person is doing? and, Do I want to be associated with this person? If they are telling you (or showing you) that the answer is NO, find out if you are doing one of the following:
ATTRACT: to draw by appeal to natural or excited interest, emotion or aesthetic sense: ENTICE (to attract someone especially by offering or showing something that is appealing, interesting, etc.)
DISTRACT: to take (attention) away from someone or something; DIVERT (to take the attention of someone away from something or someone); to stir up or confuse with conflicting emotions or motives
REPEL: to drive away: DISCOURAGE (to deprive of courage or confidence; to make someone less determined, hopeful, or confident); to cause aversion (a strong feeling of not liking something); DISGUST (annoyance and anger that you feel toward something because it is not good, fair, appropriate, etc.)
Now you may look at these definitions and say to yourself, I really don't intend to distract or repel anyone from what I have to offer. I want them to be interested so they can make an intelligent decision. While what you say may be true, you don't intend to turn people off, it is still possible that you can drive people away despite your best intentions. To many people, perception is more important than reality. It doesn't matter what you say it is if they think it's something different. Long story short, find ways to make yourself more attractive to the people that you meet, and not just in a way that's pleasing to the eye. You can look good, you can smell good, but you can still turn people off the second you open your mouth. The gift within can belie the outer wrapping. What you say comes from your heart, and it is from one heart to another that people connect best with one another. If you really want to attract people and not repel them, here are some thoughts from Jim Rohn, business philosopher**:
1. Be strong, not rude.
2. Be kind, not weak.
3. Be bold, not a bully.
4. Be humble, not timid.
5. Be proud, not arrogant.
6. Be fun, not foolish.
7. Be real...PERIOD.
If you can do these seven things, with genuine sincerity, you will find you can relate to more people on a heart to heart basis, and it is entirely possible that you will find people who are inspired to try their hand at what you do, just like I was inspired to try my hand at baseball when I was a boy. You don't attract who you want, you attract who you are. So if you're not attracting the people you want to have, you are not yet the person you want to be. Work on yourself first, then as you do more and more people will be attracted to the better person you are becoming. And maybe, just maybe, when you find the right people coming into your life you will hear them asking,
Can you show me how to do what you do...?
That's all for now, gotta run. Until we meet again, remember:
Keep it simple....See ya!
**For more information on Jim Rohn's philosophy, click the link below:
http://bit.ly/1jwEoSw
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