Keeping Their Eyes On The Prize

I remember watching an episode of The Cosby Show back in the '80s, a show based around an upwardly mobile family living in Brooklyn, the Huxtables. This particular episode had an intriguing scene, among the many intriguing scenes that played out on that show over its eight year run (1984-1992). It was an innocent moment, but it displayed a very important principle, one which will help you grow in your personal life as well as professional life, if you pay close attention to its dynamics.

There was a scene at the dinner table where Theo was trying to get his Rudi to eat her brussels sprouts. She couldn't leave the table until she finished her dinner, and finishing her dinner meant she had to eat her brussels sprouts, she was told. Not surprisingly, Rudi dug in her heels, so to speak, and refused to take even one bite. She wasn't havin' it, and looked as defiant as possible with that classic "not in this lifetime" look on her face.

Just when it seemed this standoff was destined to last forever and a day, along comes sister Denise to ask Theo to help move some furniture. Denise, the free spirited, fun-loving sibling in the bunch, was the one Rudi adored the most in her family. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree because she knew if Denise was up to something, it had to be good. And she was right. When Theo asked why Denise needed help moving the furniture, she said her friends were coming over to dance in the living room. That sounded good to Rudi, and she didn't want to be left out, so she asked if she could dance too.

"Only if you eat your brussels sprouts," was Denise's carefree reply as she walked through the living room door.

No sooner than Denise had closed the door behind her, Rudi was stuffing her face; she couldn't get those sprouts down her throat fast enough. She wasn't going to miss out on having some fun time with her big sister Denise, and there wasn't any "yucky" vegetation that was going to stand in her way.  In a flash, Rudi's plate was clean, her was dinner done, and she took off for the living room as fast as her little legs could carry her, leaving Theo to wonder how Denise did it.

Well Theo may have wondered about this, but you don't have to. I'm going to tell you what Denise did that her well-meaning brother, and even their parents couldn't do...

Theo tried to convince his sister to eat her brussels sprouts. Denise offered Rudi a chance to dance with her friends in the living room. Rudi realized she would get a chance to do what she wanted to do. To quote a famous movie line from the 1970's, Denise made her little sister, "...an offer she couldn't refuse," and with her eyes on the prize, Rudi had no problem cleaning her plate all of a sudden. Simple, but effective.

That's what you want when dealing with people in whatever relationships you engage, whether personal or professional. You want them to feel so good about working with you, talking with you, spending time with you, that it looks for all the world like it was their idea, not yours.  Like the saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink...", because you have to let it happen. If you try to force people to do what you want you'll run into a brick wall of resistance, but if you talk to people about what they want instead, you'll see their defenses melt faster than a stick of butter on an asphalt road in the brutal heat of a midday July sun.

"You can have everything in life you want, if you just help other people get what they want." 
- Zig Ziglar

Allow people to decide for themselves (remember the radio station, WII-FM? What's In It For Me?) whether you are worth their time and before you know it, they'll be the moth to your flame. Force them to comply, and you may as well try your luck at lighting wet wood. You may eventually get a spark (or you may not), but it will take a lot more time than you planned, and will cost you a great deal more energy to pull it off than you expected.

So remember, give them an offer they won't want to refuse, an offer they can't wait to accept, and don't be surprised when they start seeking you out because they their eyes on the prize along with the understanding that you can help them get it.

That's all for now. I hope you find this helpful. Until we meet again, remember...

Keep it simple.... See ya!


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